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Child’s Bad Behavior Finally Rewarded

Child's Bad Behavior Is Finally Rewarded

By Andrew S. Delfino of Almost Coherent Parent

Kayla Henderson, 7, was pleased to discover that her horrible behavior finally got her what she wanted Tuesday evening. When faced with several unacceptable developments in her day, Kayla turned to standard childhood behavior classics such as tantrums, door slamming, and punching her younger brother Cadyn repeatedly in the face. Despite six years of daily frustration that these behaviors had never worked, Kayla was pleased to discover her tenacity was finally rewarded.

The most wonderful confirmation of bad behavior began when Kayla’s mother, Jennifer Henderson, 44, would not let her watch Magic Super Pony 25 on Netflix before dinner. Kayla turned to an old stand by: the full-body tantrum.

“She told me that I’d already had enough screen time for the day,” said a triumphant Kayla. “So I just got on the floor and started screaming and kicking and beating my fists on the ground. I really took it to the next level when I started banging my head against the floor, too.”

Such attention to detail and commitment to the tantrum sold her mother. “I usually ignore tantrums,” said Jennifer, “but I really could tell by her willingness to bang her head on the hard tiles that she seriously needed screen time. So I gave it to her.”

Kayla watched all of Magic Super Pony 25 following the adventures of a fairy pony named Sugar Plum and her ragtag friends’ attempts to save the world from the evil scientist Dr. Trouble. After Kayla cheered Sugar Plum and friends’ improbable victory, she would find herself staging an improbable victory of her own over the evil machinations of her mother’s dinner plans.

“Mommy told me we were having meatloaf for dinner. This morning she clearly promised me chicken nuggets and tater tots ‘cause when I asked her for those, she said ‘Maybe.’ If that’s not a promise, I don’t know what is.”

This time Kayla took her game to a new level using a tantrum tactic clearly several years above her age: the door slam.

“I just knew that I had to make Kayla nuggets and tots,” said Jennifer, “considering the way she slammed her bedroom door. If a somewhat petite seven-year-old can make the whole house shake, she has just earned the dinner she wants. Not only that, she convinced me with that single resounding boom that saving meatloaf for another night would just be torture, so I threw the whole thing in the garbage like she suggested.”

Victory tastes sweet, as the saying goes, but not as sweet as breaded, fried chunks of chicken, tater tots, and a side of victory. Kayla realizes how true that is.

After two unlikely tantrum victories in one evening, Kayla wasn’t done yet. The next struggle to overcome was familiar to children everywhere: dessert. But this would be her most difficult obstacle yet since her father, Michael Henderson, 47, a corporate lawyer, had arrived home from work.

“Kayla wanted ice cream for dessert,” said Michael. “I thought that after such a nutritionally devoid meal, she didn’t need anything else. How wrong I was.”

Kayla had been saving her best tactic for last should such a situation present itself. Knowing how her parents obviously love her little brother Cadyn more than her — since they don’t let her have her way whenever she fights with him — Kayla knew Cadyn was the key.

“When Daddy told me no,” said Kayla, “I knew Cadyn would pay the price.”

Kayla’s mother sensed the seriousness of her dessert desire. “The way she punched Cadyn in the nose repeatedly until we could pull her off of him showed me that this was a girl who needed more sugar. So we got her ice cream. And sprinkles, too. Cadyn didn’t need a broken arm, which was what she threatened him with next.”

The family ate their frozen dairy treats in near silence, occasionally broken by Cadyn’s small sobs and Kayla’s giggles.

Later, at bedtime, Kayla revealed that she was committed as ever to continuing her tenacious tantrum behavior in light of her evening’s success.

“I asked Daddy and Mommy for a pony,” Kayla said with eyes gleaming. “They said they would think about it. If they don’t, I think I’ll show them my commitment by running away to my friend’s house.”

*****

About the Author

Andrew S. Delfino is a stay-at-home dad of four and a teacher. He’s not afraid to be called a feminist, but does hate being called the babysitter, though. He blogs at Almost Coherent Parent and is also on Facebook and Twitter.