Code Brown, everyone, the shit has hit the fan(belt). Popular toilet paper company, Charmin, has been traveling around NYC today with “Van-Go” (because I guess the name “Dump Truck” was taken). It’s a portable bathroom that encourages users to defecate inside it. But don’t think you can just hail the Van-Go like an NYC taxicab. Oh no. There is a mother-effing waitlist.

And it gets weirder: Famous actor Anthony Anderson of Blackish will be riding around in the van to encourage people to evacuate their bowels. So I guess instead of starring in Blackish, he’s doing a guest appearance in Brownish? Someone needs to tell that guy it’s okay to turn down work.

In a related story, “Satan’s Chambermaid” is no longer the worst profession in the world.

And in another related story, kidnapping is now the second worst thing happening in stranger-driven cargo vans. (Too dark? I don’t even know anymore.)

In case you’re new to this website, you should know we aren’t the most mature gals on the planet. So we couldn’t help but brainstorm this shitstorm. Here are some of our thoughts on the VanGo:

Does this dookie van follow Oscar Mayer’s Weiner Mobile around, waiting for deposits?

I think I saw this episode once on Law & Order: SVPoo

Finally, someone made a literal shitbox of a car.

This is perfect for people who love inhaling strangers’ fecal vapors but have always been too ashamed to linger outside public restrooms.

Because the urine-soaked streets of NYC didn’t smell bad enough.

Does a bear shit in the woods? No. He pops a squat on the turdmobile, apparently.

Will a fleet of Charmin Trucks be called a Charmada?

If this catches on, will Charmin provide a PoopMobile for neighborhood taco trucks?

Charmin: Elevating nervous poop scenarios to Shitcon Five by adding a celebrity to watch you danger mouse.

Perfect for when you had eggs even though you knew you’d be going out that day.

Nothing sells toilet paper like making consumers sign up to expel their bowels in a moving shit canister.

Will Anthony Anderson sign the TP when we’re done?

Nothing relaxes my colon like the smell of ass cancer on 5th Avenue.

I assume a selection of hit songs will be played, including “I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore,” “I Can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight,” “Do You Have to Let it Linger?” and the one that goes, “Revved up like a duece my colon murdered in the night.” (No one actually knows the words to that song, so I’m probably right.)

But at the same time, I hope this shit van doesn’t play music or there are going to be some very disappointed children. (No, kids, I’m afraid those aren’t fudgesicles.)

I’m not saying pooping in a roving port-o-pot is tricky, but you may need American Ninja Warrior training before attempting it.

Charmin: Elevating WTF with dumps in trucks.

Now you can drop your kids off at the pool while you literally drop your kids off at the pool.

Is the Van-Go available for rental for when you decide to take your date to that questionable-looking Mexican restaurant?

It’s like Big Brother for your turd cutter.

But how do I know which side of my anus is the “good side”?

Personally, I’ve considered jumping out of an airplane mid-flight based on the smell of the lavatory, so I can’t imagine who at Charmin thought this was a good idea, can you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What say you?

Lola Lolita, Serena Dorman, and Tina Steele also contributed to this post.