Successfully diapering and clothing a toddler is damn near impossible. It should be an Olympic event, really. Somehow, toddlers possess the superhuman abilities to twist, contort, and escape their way out of the most complicated restraint systems, and they particularly enjoy employing these skills when it’s time to add or […]
The time is upon us. We have survived another year (pardon me if that seems presumptuous, but if you are reading this I am going to make assumptions about your vital signs.) As a reward for the hard work you have done all year in getting your child to school, […]
As a new mom, something happens every day that leaves me thinking, “What in the actual fuck?” I know I can’t be alone in this. Right, guys? Bueller? Most recently, it was a woman who works at my daughter’s daycare. She is always very nice and extremely sweet to my […]
I am a magnet for unsolicited parenting advice. Maybe it’s because I have 3 children whom I publicly describe as strong-willed and privately describe as my personal army of poorly-trained demons. Regardless, while some people might be qualified to dish it out, these 8 people definitely are NOT. 1. Clerk […]
By Audrey Sanchez of Two Dogs, One Cat and a Baby When I was thirty-nine weeks pregnant, Anna Paquin (yes, the actress) tweeted something that brought me to my knees. Well, not my actual knees. If it had been my actual knees, I wouldn’t have been able to stand up […]
What in the bloody monkey hell is going on these days, hmm? Everywhere I look, somebody is celebrating something, and they want you (read: me too) to celebrate it with them. Weddings are cool. You’re getting married? Sweet. I think that’s awesome. I will be there. And I will drink up […]
Men are so simple-minded, and I mean that in the best way. That is until I mean it in the worst way. Being simple of the mind might get them into trouble with us women from time to time, but they seem to be quite happy and content in that […]
Sleep is an elusive beast when you’re a new parent. Kind of like Big Foot. Or the Loch Ness Monster. Or aliens. You want it. You need it. You’ve seen it before (at least you think you have), so you’re pretty sure it’s a real thing. You just can’t figure […]