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Tweets

16 Tweets About The Sh*t-Storm That Is Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

October 25, 2018 By Karen Johnson

SAHM/D life is great, if you like wiping up spilled milk and pee, never showering, and Calliou on continuous repeat. Here are 16 tweets that tell the truth about this glamorous life.

My favorite SAHM moments are when it’s 9 a.m. and I’m wrestling a hangry toddler soaked in pee at Target and some woman named Nancy sees me emerge from the tiny bathroom stall, dripping with sweat, also now smelling like pee, and tells me “how lucky I am” to be able to stay home with […]

Filed Under: Humor, Parenting, SPM19, Tweets

15 Relatable Tweets About the Joys of School Picture Day

October 1, 2018 By Karen Johnson

School picture day is my favorite day to write about a check and having zero idea what the hell I'm paying for. But at least we get some sweet pot-holders with our kid's faces on them out of the deal, right?

School picture day is my favorite day for writing out a check and not really knowing what I’m paying for. I mean, you can’t beat that moment of surprise when your 3rd grader brings home his packet a month later and you find out that the pictures were post-lunch and post-recess so he’s grinning from […]

Filed Under: Humor, Parenting, SPM19, Tweets

15 Tweets About Pumpkin Spice Taking Over the World

September 6, 2018 By Karen Johnson

Love it or hate it, it's everywhere. You choose to fight the good fight against PSL, or you can succumb and spray yourself with pumpkin spice perfume. Whatever.

Love it or hate it, it’s everywhere. It started with pie. Then moved to coffee. And candles. Now we have pumpkin spiced cough drops, air fresheners, and Doritos. For many (like myself), the signs and smells of pumpkin mean the days of dripping boob-sweat at my kids’ baseball games are over and I can dig […]

Filed Under: Humor, SPM19, Tweets

15 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Back-to-School Shopping

July 28, 2018 By Karen Johnson

Back to school shopping sucks, but it's also a reason to celebrate, because the kids are GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. So here are one million pencils, teachers. Please just take my kids.

It’s that time of year, parents! The countdown is on. For some of you, it’s a matter of a couple weeks. For me, we still have a month to go, but IT’S THE LAST MONTH. The kids are going back to school! Have I enjoyed my mommy-moments with them this summer? Of course. I mean, […]

Filed Under: Education, Humor, Parenting, SPM19, Tweets

20 Tweets About the Sh*t-Show of Taking Your Kids Swimming

July 17, 2018 By Karen Johnson

We all do it, even though it sucks. Even though they'll meltdown about getting an ice cream and then have to poop. Taking the kids swimming is a shit-show for sure.

Do you know what the best thing is about having kids? Taking them swimming. I mean, you can’t beat it. The joy, the memories… THIS is why I became a parent, you say to yourself, when you’re on hour four of “watching this” and readjusting goggles and soothing tears because Johnny has way better goggles […]

Filed Under: Humor, Parenting, SPM19, Tweets

15 Tweets That Hilariously Troll Tomorrow’s “Civil War”

July 3, 2018 By Karen Johnson

Twitter has delivered, once again, in all its glory as it responds to Alex Jones's ridiculous claims that the liberals of this country are starting a civil war. Tomorrow.

Load up your muskets! Ready your bayonets! And tell Aunt Clara to put a pot of stew on the fire so we can fill our bellies tonight. Because guess what, folks? There’s apparently a civil war happening tomorrow, according to everyone’s favorite liberal-hater Alex Jones, who proclaimed this fact as “BREAKING NEWS!” on his own […]

Filed Under: Humor, News/Trending, Politics/Community, Tweets

15 Funny and True Tweets About Father’s Day

June 12, 2018 By Karen Johnson

The awesome dads in our lives deserve a day in their honor, even if they miss the hamper every day and rile the kids up before bedtime. Dads, you work hard and play hard. And we love you for it.

Okay, people, that special day in June is right around the corner! You got your grills hot and cargo shorts ready, boys? Ready for some totally original and not at all overdone beer and golf jokes? And obligatory “Dad of the Year” mug and matching tie? Good. Let’s do this. Dads are awesome—even if they […]

Filed Under: Humor, Parenting, Sex and Relationships, SPM19, Tweets

14 Tweets About Parents’ Love/Hate Relationship With the End of School

May 11, 2018 By Karen Johnson

It’s Maaaaaaaay! If you live in a northern state like I do, you’ve been waiting for this month since that first frost eight months ago. Flowers are sprouting. Snow boots are packed away. And the days are getting longer. You might even have an extra bounce in your step as you make those Target runs […]

Filed Under: Humor, Parenting, SPM19, Tweets

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