My favorite SAHM moments are when it’s 9 a.m. and I’m wrestling a hangry toddler soaked in pee at Target and some woman named Nancy sees me emerge from the tiny bathroom stall, dripping with sweat, also now smelling like pee, and tells me “how lucky I am” to be able to stay home with […]
Tweets
15 Relatable Tweets About the Joys of School Picture Day
School picture day is my favorite day for writing out a check and not really knowing what I’m paying for. I mean, you can’t beat that moment of surprise when your 3rd grader brings home his packet a month later and you find out that the pictures were post-lunch and post-recess so he’s grinning from […]
15 Tweets About Pumpkin Spice Taking Over the World
Love it or hate it, it’s everywhere. It started with pie. Then moved to coffee. And candles. Now we have pumpkin spiced cough drops, air fresheners, and Doritos. For many (like myself), the signs and smells of pumpkin mean the days of dripping boob-sweat at my kids’ baseball games are over and I can dig […]
15 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Back-to-School Shopping
It’s that time of year, parents! The countdown is on. For some of you, it’s a matter of a couple weeks. For me, we still have a month to go, but IT’S THE LAST MONTH. The kids are going back to school! Have I enjoyed my mommy-moments with them this summer? Of course. I mean, […]
20 Tweets About the Sh*t-Show of Taking Your Kids Swimming
Do you know what the best thing is about having kids? Taking them swimming. I mean, you can’t beat it. The joy, the memories… THIS is why I became a parent, you say to yourself, when you’re on hour four of “watching this” and readjusting goggles and soothing tears because Johnny has way better goggles […]
15 Tweets That Hilariously Troll Tomorrow’s “Civil War”
Load up your muskets! Ready your bayonets! And tell Aunt Clara to put a pot of stew on the fire so we can fill our bellies tonight. Because guess what, folks? There’s apparently a civil war happening tomorrow, according to everyone’s favorite liberal-hater Alex Jones, who proclaimed this fact as “BREAKING NEWS!” on his own […]
15 Funny and True Tweets About Father’s Day
Okay, people, that special day in June is right around the corner! You got your grills hot and cargo shorts ready, boys? Ready for some totally original and not at all overdone beer and golf jokes? And obligatory “Dad of the Year” mug and matching tie? Good. Let’s do this. Dads are awesome—even if they […]
14 Tweets About Parents’ Love/Hate Relationship With the End of School
It’s Maaaaaaaay! If you live in a northern state like I do, you’ve been waiting for this month since that first frost eight months ago. Flowers are sprouting. Snow boots are packed away. And the days are getting longer. You might even have an extra bounce in your step as you make those Target runs […]