By Lola Lolita, Founder, Sammiches and Psych Meds BLOUNTSVILLE, INDIANA–47-year-old Phyllis Borden, stay-at-home mother of one, dropped her son off at college last Friday and immediately returned home to prepare for her cold, lonely death, report relatives. “It’s like she has nothing to live for,” said niece Sarah Langsford. “That’s because she doesn’t,” added nephew […]
MockMom
Knitters Versus Crocheters: Can There Be Peace?
By Michelle Poston Combs of Rubber Shoes In Hell Violence broke out today at a library in a suburb of Cincinnati, Ohio. A room in the library used for holding club meetings was mistakenly booked for both the knitting club and the crocheting club at 7:00 p.m. on Tuesday. Gladys Blount, president of the local chapter […]
70% of Moms of Boys are Big Fat Poopy Butts
By Abby Byrd of Little Miss Perfect A recent study by the Society for Gender Studies reveals that mothers of boys are more disgusting than non-mothers or mothers of girls. “There’s a big gender disparity,” says Dr. Gerald Plotz, head researcher with the SGS. Of the moms surveyed, 70% of boy moms were found to […]
Mom Trades In Lucrative Career to Realize 9-Year-Old’s Food Truck Hopes
By Jessica Ziegler, Co-creator of Science of Parenthood In order to fulfill her son’s long-held dream of operating a food truck, 42-year-old Donna Barry from Douglas County, Colorado recently gave up her six-figure salary as a Marketing Executive to devote herself full time to making that dream come true. Exclusively serving fruit smoothies, FruitNinjaMasterSlam rolled into […]
Youngest Person To Ever Appear On Hoarders
By Melanie Madamba of The NotsoSuperMom This past week a source at TLC leaked information regarding an upcoming episode of their hugely popular show, Hoarders. The youngest person ever to be featured on Hoarders is a 4-year-old from South Central Pennsylvania named Valerie Parker. Her mother contacted the show after realizing that Valerie had a serious problem with […]
Tattooed Mother May Not Care What You Think
By Jessica Cobb of Domestic Pirate A local mother of four reportedly doesn’t give a shit about the opinions of various people who do not, in fact, have any say in what she does to her body. It came to our attention when her father-in-law brusquely commented, “People use tattoos to hide their insecurities.” Other […]
12 Easy Steps To A Quinoa Christmas
By Jennifer Scharf 1. Hang a quinoa Christmas wreath on your door to welcome dysfunctional family members. 2. Trim the tree with quinoabread men! They’re gluten-free. 3. Bedazzle the house with quinoa-filled mason jar votives and quinoa-scented tea lights. 4. Break out the quinoa vodka—perfect for a long night of drinking with friends who have imaginary […]
Toddler Who Refuses To Sit on Aging Relative’s Lap Terrified of What He Might Become
By Abby Byrd of Little Miss Perfect A preternaturally articulate toddler, who requested he be identified only as “Thor” has revealed the answer to an age-old research question of child development experts: Why do toddlers scream when placed on the laps of elderly relatives? “It’s a bloody terrifying glimpse of the future,” stated Thor, who […]