Before we become parents, there are a lot of things we tease our moms or mom friends about, like crying over sappy commercials, making us go to the bathroom before taking a trip somewhere (even though we’re adults now), packing the entire house into their purse to ensure they’re ready for any and all scenarios, and, of course, their infamously fragile bladders.
Being a mom means you take every chance you can to take a leak because you never know when you’ll get the chance to use another bathroom next. It also means we sometimes have to change our underwear more than the average bear because we laughed too hard, sneezed, or got a little too enthusiastic on the trampoline, which resulted in a little dribble action. I don’t mean with a basketball.
Recently, a hilarious and relatable af status update by Sophie Cochia, a well-known Aussie “mom blogger” (ugh, I hate that blanket term) behind The Young Mummy, a blog where she writes about “boobs, pubes & all,” went viral on Facebook as mothers everywhere did the been there, done that solidarity nod.
In her Facebook status update, Sophie writes:
Happy Tuesday! This here is a picture of a beautiful baby girl, a devoted father & husband, and a wife who just called that devoted husband to come out the front to her rescue with two towels because she totally pissed her pants in her car. Yep. That’s right. A full bottle of water, a 4-month-postpartum pelvic floor, and a freeway standstill with traffic is NEVER a good combo. And not just a dribble. Nope. It appears when you’re so desperately holding on and you finally crack, the floodgates open and they cannot be shut. I truly never though this would happen to me. But hey, there’s a first for everything… right?
Dribble. We’ve all been in this situation, or very, very close. After our crotchfruit exits our bodies, they obliterate our undercarriage, resulting in some good ol’ incontinence.
Maybe you drank a little too much for your new mom bladder to hold. Maybe you’re held up in traffic with nowhere to pop a squat. I bet you’re not laughing at those Shewees now, are you?
Guys have it made. All they have to do is poke their peens inside of a plastic bottle and drain their lizard. Women could try, but we never know when our streams are going to come out nice and solid or spray everywhere like a fucked up sprinkler.
Bless Sophie’s man. That’s a true partner right there, willing to get right down in the trenches of womanhood with you like a knight in golden-shower armor, riding in with his weapons of precious absorbency while we sit in a puddle of our own piss like a freaking toddler. He didn’t even ask if we ate asparagus, and we know he knows that we did. Like a champ.
Motherhood is messy in more ways than one. Thank the gods for women like Sophie who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go change. This lady’s status update made me cry tears of laughter down my legs. Don’t judge.