Life Parenting

Backstabbers Be Damned: I’m Teaching My Daughter To Be A ‘Soul-Sister’


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By Darla Halyk of NewWorldMom

Women often get a bad rap, and truthfully, we bring a lot of it on ourselves. There is simply too much talk going on behind closed doors and turned backs. I’m not sure if it’s done with malice, to obtain popularity, or merely to have something to say, but we have all been guilty of the ‘Did you hear?’ moment, whispering something to another, which isn’t any of our damn business, or is given to us in confidence.

The glorious rumor.

The problem with this: We are hurting other women and for no reason but to let secrets fall upon welcoming ears. Ears that may not have the same vested interest in the subject as we do.

I’m not sharing groundbreaking information; we, as women, know how terrible we can be to each other. But we have the choice to be better women for our daughters, thus proving to our little ladies there is a better way to treat one another — to be soul-sisters, giving up our insecurities with no repercussions.

As women, we have the chance to support and raise each other up and not get behind backs, hissing truths given to us in faith. We also have an opportunity to showcase other women for their strengths and to teach our daughters to do so as well.

I aspire to teach my teenage daughter of a sisterhood instead of letting her live a real-life Mean Girls. Teaching her to celebrate each other’s achievements instead of tearing and ripping each other down.

Don’t get me wrong: We aren’t made to all simply get along; it’s not in the stars. But we do have the ability to see mistakes and indiscretions as just that: lapses in judgement. Moments in someone’s life that do not deserve our examination, for who are we to judge, each with a skeleton or two hanging in a dusty closet?

I’m not perfect by any means; I have spoken tasteless, bitter words with little regard for the person of which I am speaking. But not one time did it make me feel like a better person. Not one damn time!

I want to teach my daughter she can be a soul-sister to her girlfriends, to respect each woman she meets as if there is a little part of her inside them and them inside her. We aren’t much different; essentially, we are all looking for the same result: happiness and love.


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To be supportive and uplifting is an ability women have; it’s in our maternal nature. By supporting and not competing with one another, we have nothing to gain but friendship and a team to strengthen us. We should hope our daughters learn this to be true and not what I have seen to be cold, backstabbing behavior.

Ladies, we are doing it wrong. We aren’t meant to spit ugly, ruthless words about one another. It is getting us nowhere and is teaching our daughters to mistrust other women.

I, too, have done it wrong. Jealousy often prohibits common sense, and I have held the green-eyed monster’s hand. I have been lead directly into the dark pit of envy. But it’s gotten me nowhere. Nowhere but a dismal and bitter place. So what if you believe ‘that woman’ has better skin or bigger boobs. Is she not worth the skin in which she resides? Might it be possible she doesn’t believe she is worth a moment of your time?

I can bet you; you know nothing of her story or the work she has done to get to where she stands today. And let’s get something straight right now. If her story is one of ease and simplicity, shouldn’t we respect that also? Whether the road traveled was a tumultuous one or one with a silver spoon, not one of us reserves the right to speak of that which we know nothing. Isn’t that what we should emulate, at least for our daughters’ sake?

We have all made mistakes, some worse than others. I have had hurt placed upon me and at times have been the one doing the hurting. I have learned through careful examination of myself that I am worth more than my indiscretions — that we all are. Placing darkness and hurtful words upon another soul will get you nowhere but a bitter and resentful place. Isn’t it time we teach our daughters that we are all human beings? That we are all worth the time we have on this planet. That each woman we know or pass by on the street is fighting the same battle we are?

I will teach my daughter to accept women for all they are, to not let vile and sharp words dangle from her lips, but to find solace in herself. And in doing so to show strength, encouragement, and a desire that all women succeed, her included.

I hope to give her the fortitude to understand what she has to gain by being a soul-sister and not being contemptuous or hurtful. To stand proudly within herself and compel others to do so, creating a sisterhood worthy of adoration and acceptance. To be a soul-sister, to each and every woman she meets.

This post originally appeared on NewWorldMom.



About Darla Halyk

Darla Halyk is the mom of a teenage boy and girl. She studied Business Management at Simon Fraser University. Soon after receiving her degree, she married and quickly got pregnant with her first child. Deciding to stay home with her kids instead of returning to the workforce after the birth of her son, she become an SAHM, but not your average one. The gig lasted until the kids were school-aged, and her marriage ended in divorce. Darla has enjoyed writing since she was old enough to hold a pen to paper. Currently, she writes for her blog at NewWorldMom. Bringing a fresh, honest and humorous take on parenting, women’s issues, relationships, divorce, and life, in general.