America in Crisis as Another Celeb Quits Instagram

America in Crisis as Another Celeb Quits Instagram

By Kristina Johnson of

Fear and panic gripped the U.S. this week after super model Kendall Jenner deleted her Instagram account. Officials say it couldn’t have come at a worse time for a country badly in need of unity and healing.

“Few things bring Americans together like wondering how exactly the Kardashian-Jenners became famous,” said one government expert. “This is a devastating blow.”

Jenner’s departure from the social media site comes just months after Justin Bieber also deactivated his account, sparking a national emergency. President Obama had hoped to secure his legacy by resolving that crisis, and many democrats are blaming his failure to do so for Donald Trump’s stunning election victory.

Indeed, people in the President-elect’s inner circle are already worried that the “Instexit” phenomenon could cripple the incoming administration, posing a far bigger threat to America than Trump’s complete lack of political and military experience.

GOP conspiracy theorists immediately began touting the idea that Jenner was paid to leave Instagram by the Clinton Foundation as vengeance for Hillary’s loss.

As the government works to resolve this latest catastrophe, parents are left with the heavy burden of explaining to their children why they can no longer see which brand of designer underwear Jenner is currently taking selfies in.


About the Author

Kristina Johnson is a new mom, writer, and TV producer living in New York City. She loves her daughter deeply but can admit that she wouldn’t mind if babies came with an off-switch. Her interests include books, Netflix, and coming up with snarky responses to people who ask when she’s having baby #2. She blogs regularly at