Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by political unrest? Emotionally spent from the turmoil and stress of 2018? Take a deep breath, put up your feet and let all that shit go. While you’re at it, take a moment to enjoy some of our favorite WTF fashion moments of the past year.
It’s possible that 2018 will forever be known as the “Vagina Monologues”…
Fendi is selling a pink labia-folds-inspired shawl. With fur. And nobody in the marketing department took a look at it and thought, “You know what, that looks an awful lot like somebody’s pink lady. Pass.” I mean really, who wouldn’t want to shell out $990 to walk around looking like you’re birthing your own head? Me. That would be me. And I’m guessing you too.
Image Credit: Fendi.com
Not a fan of a labia shawl? No problem. Why not a pair of vagina-inspired pants instead? Made famous by Janelle Monáe in her video “PYNK,” Monae was hoping to produce them for the masses sometime this year. Unfortunately (as in thankfully) it hasn’t happened yet.
Image Credit: YouTube
Camel Toe Bathing Suit
Can we go one swimsuit season without the aggressive camel toe? Honestly, even the model is struggling to keep it out of her crease. I bet if she moves a muscle, it’s all going to cinch up into her grand canyon, which is weird because I’m pretty sure she’s wearing a protective cup for cosmetic reasons.
Image Credit: Nordstrom
Forever 21’s Forever Crotch
Shopkeeper: Can I help you find anything?
Person: Yes. I’m looking to break the Guinness World Record for “World’s Longest Crotch.”
Shopkeeper: Say no more, fam.
Image Credit: Forever 21
Carmar Brand Extreme Cut-Out Jeans
Selling for $168 a pop, which is a mere $167.50 above their value, these Depression-era eyesores are “a high rise pant with large statement cutouts on front and back.” Not included in the product description: “Just like Grandma used to wear while eating rat skin soup and trying not to die during the Dust Bowl and perfect for anyone whose dignity is sparser than the fabric we used to make this bullshittery.”
Lest ye think these denim strings masquerading as pants have no redeeming qualities, hold up because THEY HAVE POCKETS. (Not included in your purchase is that fetching body suit which in no way rides up the creases of your meat curtains, leading to a raging UTI and need for reconstructive vaginoplasty probably.)
Image Credit: Carmardenim.com
Having your hoo-hah hanging out not your thing? Don’t worry, Barney’s has you covered. Completely.
Barney’s Puffer Cape
This “puffer cape” is just a whole bunch of fuck no. Especially at $3,565 a pop.
This thing looks like if Grimace from McDonald’s became haute couture.
Or if The Incredible Hulk and Aqua Man had a baby.
A steal of a deal for when you want to look like an anal suppository and simultaneously have 4 months worth of mortgage payments to burn.
The perfect accessory to showcase your inner T-Rex with a drowning phobia.
A thoughtful gift for the person who’s always wanted to wear her sleeping bag as a shawl.
For when you want to announce to the world that your transformation into a butterfly is almost complete.
Image Credit: Barney’s NY
Or you could always go with the wearable poop emoji:
Image Credit: Barney’s NY
We would be remiss if we didn’t include a little something for the men out there. And the winner of the WTF Men’s Fashion Award goes to…
Gucci. Oh my God. Gucci.
Casual Sweater on Top, Oops I Forgot My Pants on Bottom
Gucci’s definitely taking the whole “no pants” trend to the next level. Don’t want to put on slacks? Just wear this designer adult diaper instead. You’ll be the talk of the town, and not just because you’ll get arrested for indecent exposure.
Office Meeting or a Boogie Nights Swimsuit Photo Opp?
Dirk Diggler here can’t decide. Or maybe he moonlights as a ballet / salsa dancer and doesn’t have time to change into his leotard and statement jewelry before practice. The look on his face really says it all, though, doesn’t it? “Goddammit, I should have asked for compensation in advance. What’s my pride worth, anyway?” Probably not as much as this heinous ensemble costs, Dirk. Sorry.
Britney’s Been a Bad, Bad Boy
Oops, you did it again! Feeling bored with your regular office wear? Ready to level up to something a bit bolder? Or maybe you want to show off those tats you got while 15 tequila shots deep on spring break last year? Why not walk into the break room in this fetching garb? Your coworkers won’t know whether you want to have a dance-off or stuff their dismembered bodies into the trunk of your car. Either way, you can’t go wrong with BDSM meets sultry red gem.
This concludes our nostalgic stroll down the Most Fucked Up Fashions of 2018. You’re a little sad, I know. But don’t despair, 2019 is right around the corner and if history is any indicator, it will be full of its very own WTF fashion moments.
Fashion Commentary Provided By: Lola Lolita and Nikki Morris