By MockMom Contributors

Last week, the Texas Board of Education voted to remove historical figures including Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from the mandatory history curriculum in Texas schools. They say this is an attempt by the board to “streamline” what students learn in social studies classes. We have obtained the full list of things Texas is planning to remove from its history curriculum:

The Alamo

The fact that they were ever part of Mexico

All Mexicans

The Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz

The Dixie Chicks

Man buns

Austin

Every Amendment except the 2nd

Nike

The NFL

Feminism

Discovery of the female orgasm

Any mention of the word “clitoris”

Willie Nelson

Climate Change

Alternative Energy

Science

All but one of the Baldwin brothers

That Jesus isn’t white

Who shot J.R.

1980s Houston Astros uniforms

Evolution (Was probably already banned)

Common Core (Already banned…seriously)

That Tony Romo dated Jessica Simpson

The Ghostbusters Remake

The Handmaid’s Tale

Ann Richards

Tofu, silicon, and dyed hair

Vegans

That one time someone messed with Texas and won

When Hank from King of the Hill turned liberal

Shirtless Matthew McConaughey

That humans did not live at the same time as pterodactyls

Mark Cuban

Birth control

“The gay lifestyle”

Facts

Rick Perry (Who can blame them?)

Branch Davidians

Puerto Rico

Special thanks to the following contributors: Kelly Arnell, Melissa Coble, Mandi Em, Anna Gracia, Kathleen Gordon, Jennifer Rosen Heinz, and Andrew Knott