By Kelly Arnell of Why Did We Have to Have All These Kids Anyway?
Fellas, if you want to get some action with the mother of your children, you have to understand that once you have kids, the playbook changes.
Maybe a night out at a fancy restaurant and flowers turned on your lady before she popped out tiny humans. That might still work, but there are some other things that will practically guarantee to get the MILF in your life into the sack.
1) Do the dishes
This might seem like a simple act that in no way equals sexiness, but take it from a housewife who does dishes every, single day: it’s fucking hot. One of my three kids was conceived after my husband did the dishes, I shit you not.
2) Take the kids away
Go to a park or museum, take the kids out for lunch, take them to a strip club. (Wait, maybe I’m not quite that desperate.) It doesn’t really matter what (age-appropriate) place you take them, just get them the hell away from their mother for just a little while. Give her an hour to herself and, this is the important part, let her do whatever the hell she wants with that hour. Don’t say, “Well, why didn’t you get the dishes done? The kids were out of your hair.”
3) Let her sleep in
For some strange reason, kids get up earlier on the weekends. You get up with your little deviants, er, darlings who are so hungry that they don’t care if it’s 6:45am — they need to eat NOW! Turn on some Saturday morning cartoons and throw some Froot Loops their way while your lady catches some extra ZZZs.
4) Clean the house
Just like doing the dishes, any household chore is sexy as hell! Someone else picking up the kids’ toys means Mom is less tired. And if she’s less tired, she’s more frisky!
5) Be a good dad
It’s a major turn-on to see your man being a kick ass father. I mean, this one is pretty easy, really — read to the kids, change diapers, build amazing block castles with them, or whatever it is that you love to share with your kiddos. Knowing that you mated well is a huge turn-on for women.
6) Kill a bug
You are a fucking hero if you get up, go get your shoe, and smash the hell out of that damn spider! Whatever you do, don’t fucking let it get away. It will not only ensure you will not get laid, but you will also probably have to move as well. Immediately.
All right, gents. Hope this helps you out with your ladyfolk. If all else fails, try a romantic weekend getaway, and by that I mean a weekend where you both can get some
fucking sleep romance without kids interrupting.
Good luck getting lucky!
About Kelly Arnell
Kelly Arnell is a stay at home mom from Wisconsin. She has a husband who is completely in charge of bath time, 3 little monsters to cherish and love and to drive her insane! When she is not yelling at her kids to stop licking things, changing poopy diapers or trying to all around keep her kids fed, clothed and alive, she can be found at her at her blog, Why Did We Have to Have All These Kids Anyway? Find her on Facebook here.