I was so desperate for a nanny that I almost considered a loon who wanted to put my baby in time out for not listening. Almost.
Parenting

A Behavioral Interview with the Nanny Who Didn’t Cut It

I was so desperate for a nanny that I almost considered a loon who wanted to put my baby in time out for not listening. Almost.

By Kelly Coon of kellycoon.com

I work part-time from home.

Many of you probably think that my day centers around watching Chopped seasons 1-4 whilst folding laundry and occasionally checking my Outlook calendar.

You’d be (99%) wrong.

I’m an editor. And a writer. And a vacation rental owner/sales lady/marketing executive extraordinaire (Have you heard about the May special? Here. Take a brochure.)

I also have a three-year-old whose early fall birthday puts him squarely in the “You can’t go to school yet” category, awful as that is to even imagine, let alone live. I mean, he goes to a preschool two days for a few hours, but is he really gone? I mean, really, really gone? Not on your life. With the prevalence of bacteria-laden eye goop and virus-infected snot smears in abundance in toddler play land, my child has managed to attend school roughly 28% of the time, give or take a Tuesday.

Hence, the nanny solution.

Naturally, I queried my friends first. But since they haven’t lost their minds and would happily give me a winning Powerball ticket or their SUVs before handing out the names of their babysitters, I was left empty-handed.

So, naturally, I queried friends of my friends, who haven’t been acquainted with my devious nature. At a booze-laden NYE party, I sauced up a friend’s sister-in-law so she’d be pliable for my sneak attack. How easily my pretty prey fell right into my lap. A couple of IPAs and a champagne toast, and we were best friends swapping child-rearing war stories while she breezily texted me the name and phone number of her nanny.

Dim-witted fool.

Ahem. Where was I?

When the nanny showed up to my home for her interview, she brought two of her darling charges with her. I thought, “Perfection! Now I can see how she acts in her element.” I imagined a Maria von Trapp passing out goldfish while singing the littlest girl to sleep in a warbly soprano. Obviously, I kept my expectations low so as not to be disappointed.

It went down something like this:

Me: “Nice to meet you, Nanny. I’m Kelly. Come on in.”

I ushered her into my home with the graciousness only a genteel woman with good breeding can muster.

Nanny: “Sorry we’re late; the girls were acting foolish this morning.”

SCREECH *Stop the tape*

Foolish? What a bizarre word to use with little girls aged 18-months and 4 years.

Anyhoo.

Me: “Um, it’s okay. Come on in.”

We sat down. The girls played with (avoided) my son mostly because he was grabbing everything out of the baby’s hands and then hiding in the bathroom. I asked Nanny about her experience while trying to pretend my child was not rolling around on the carpet with Play-Doh in his mouth. I asked her if she knew CPR while I wrestled the baby’s lovey from in between my son’s legs. I asked her who she voted for while pulling my child off the countertops where he’d been crawling. You know, all the standard questions and scenarios during an interview.

Then, I got down to the behavioral interviewing part. I’d just written an article about it and wanted to try it out.

Me: “Tell me about a time when a child you were watching didn’t listen to you. What did you do?”

Nanny: “Well, I have an ‘obey the first time’ policy.”

Me: “Tell me about that.”

Nanny: “They obey the first time.”

Me: “Sounds interesting. How does that work?” Clearly, I needed to learn from this wonder of wonders. This sage of uncanny child wisdom. This unicorn of nannydom.

Nanny: “If they don’t obey the first time, they get time out. And then they get put in their rooms.”

Me: “So, tell me how that would work in a scenario. For the baby.”

Nanny: “I’d tell her to come here. If she didn’t listen, I’d put her in timeout. And then if she didn’t come when I told her to, I’d put her in her room.”

Me: “Again, I’m referring to the baby.”

Nanny: Blank stare.

Me: “You put the baby in her room? As a punishment? For not obeying the first time?”

Nanny: “I mean not every day…”

It dissolved from there.

She seemed unaware that she was being interviewed and actually snorted when I asked her about her experience because she’d been watching kids for “many, many years.” When I asked her to define that, she snorted again, waving her hand, saying something about high school. She looked maybe 20.

We said goodbye and heaven help me, I actually considered her. Because a woman’s got to work and good (mediocre) help is hard to wrestle out of someone’s unwitting hands.

Thankfully, I was spared that fate, and eventually found a cheerful, brilliant nanny oozing kindness out of her invisible pores who said strict obedience was a low priority as far as three-year-olds go. She starts this week.

But, as I contemplate the ins and outs of my daily routine for her, I realize the unicorn may have had a point. Clearly, my kid could use a lesson or two in listening. The fourth time I had to pry the baby’s sippy cup out of his greedy little fingers, I was pretty close to locking him in his room and handily forgetting where I stashed the key.

However, since I’ve already raised two little boys who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings, I realize that around 4 ½ years old, the little monsters seem to magically morph into kids everyone wants to be around.

Until then, we all just kind of hold our breaths and pray the nanny knows how to sing a mean “Do-Re-Mi” and doesn’t fall in love with our Captain Von Trapps.

This post was originally published on kellycoon.com

**********

About the Author

Kelly Coon is an editor and writer for Blue Ocean Brain, the test prep expert for About.com, and the proud mom to three robust boys who like to make armpit noises. She has freelanced for both Scholastic and MSN, and has written a few books, too. The first was mostly just practice and bitter tears, but the second, a test prep guide called ACT STRATEGY SMART, was published in 2012. She’s working on finding an agent for the third, a young adult historical with elements of magical realism. Read more at kellycoon.com and follow Kelly on Twitter and Facebook