Pregnant? Soak it up! Pamper yourself, be lazy, eat extras, and get out of going to stuff you don't want to attend. This is your time!
Humor Parenting

7 Pregnancy Excuses That Are Totally Legit

Pregnant? Soak it up! Pamper yourself, be lazy, eat extras, and get out of going to stuff you don't want to attend. This is your time!

By Celeste of And What A Mom! 

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. And I’m not just saying that because I’m in the blissful second trimester, where the morning sickness is all but forgotten, the little bump is so cute, and I’m still sleeping comfortably. Ok, maybe I’m a little jaded right now, but what better time to recognize the amazing benefits that come only with pregnancy than when my hormones are on a roller coaster high (just right now, check back in a day) and stretch marks haven’t drawn longitude and latitude lines across my midsection yet?

So here you have it. Seven excuses that are completely legit, if not called for, during pregnancy. If you’re not embracing these nuggets, you’re doing pregnancy all wrong, my friend.

1. “I’m too tired to ___________ .” This is a great fill-in-the-blank because it works for just about anything. I’m too tired to clean, cook, have sex, go visit the in-laws. Leverage this one, because once the baby’s out of the canal, it’s all fair game again no matter how tired you are.

2. Clumsiness. True story: During my first pregnancy, I had to rescind my bridesmaid duties to a wonderful friend because I would get these dizzy spells that had me walking around like a drunk sailor. I was so sure I would ruin the wedding by falling or fainting during the ceremony, I opted out! The bride was amazingly cool with my decision (she probably saw me teeter-tottering a few times already and thought, “That bitch is going to ruin my wedding!”), but I still look back and feel like an idiot. I mean, seriously, who can’t walk in a straight line at someone’s wedding? This pregnant lady.

3. Forgetfulness. I haven’t been a natural blonde in many, many years, but pregnancy brings out the dumb blonde in me. My short term memory is so whack, I can’t remember if I took my prenatal in the morning, which drawer my shirts are in, or even what I did last night. It’s like my drunken blurs from my 20’s, but without the funny stories and horrible decisions that went along with them. The good news is people expect it. There’s even a name for it: “pregnancy brain.” Don’t be offended… use it to your advantage! If you’re invited to a party for someone you really don’t like, no one will bat an eyelash when you conveniently forget all about it. Miss a luncheon? You know what to do.

4. Laziness. Nothing makes me feel more like a badass than going to the gym with a visible bump. People look at you like you’re a rock star! What they don’t notice is many days I’m pulling a 25 minute mile on that treadmill and I’m at zero resistance on the stationary bike. Let’s face it, I’m really at the gym for the free daycare and so I can read a couple chapters of my latest book. I’m not the only one, either. I saw another expecting mother sitting on a bench in the locker room drinking a Diet Coke, fixated on a novel. I smiled and winked at her: “Gotta love free day care!” She guiltily smiled back and blushed. Don’t feel bad; your secret’s safe with me!

5. Eating for Two. Despite your doctor warning you about gaining too much weight (and pretty much every pregnancy advice article in the past decade), everyone expects the pregnant lady to grab a second slice of cake or be the first in line at the buffet. Sometimes I reach for dessert just because I know everyone’s watching me and don’t want to explain myself. Well, that, and I’m pregnant, bitch! Hand me that cookie!

6. Gotta Go to the Bathroom. Anyone else planning for lots of driving around the holidays? The worst part about a long car drive is the anticipation of where the next bathroom break will be. Will it be a smelly gas station or a fancy coffee haus? Or, sometime when you gotta go you gotta go, and it’s squatting behind a bush at a freeway off ramp. Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman who’s gotta pee! But enjoy this one, ladies. My suggestion is to anticipate the next stop to ensure it’s a good one. Starbucks is a favorite potty spot for me because I always get something while I’m there. McDonald’s works for me, too, because I love their soft serve ice cream. Plan ahead so you can reap the benefits of the break.

7. Getting Pampered. I have a very high guilt complex and normally feel bad about doing anything that is strictly for my benefit. But I try to brush that feeling aside during pregnancy and embrace my pampering rituals. A monthly prenatal massage and pedicure are my go-tos for feeling like royalty. And I treat these like doctor appointments. They can’t be cancelled, can’t be rescheduled. My husband knows better than to ask, though it took a few times to learn. In the end it’s a win-win anyway—mommy feels refreshed and relaxed and is ready to tackle the day with renewed vigor. Happy mommy, happy husband. Right?

Aren’t the joys of pregnancy marvelous? Even if you’re having a slow, uncomfortable, frustrating pregnancy, consider these seven points your lifeline for fully appreciating the lesser known benefits of pregnancy. After all, how often do you have such a fabulous, legitimate excuse? Trust me, you’re doing it for you and your baby. You’re welcome.


About Celeste 

Celeste is a mom to a toddler and expecting another boy in 2016, and loves to write about the good, bad, and the “what the heck am I doing??” parts of motherhood. She is also a marketing professional, which has armed her with bountiful experience in cleaning up poop and managing temper tantrums. Follow her story at And What A Mom!