65 is the Best Age to Have Babies
Humor Parenting

65 is The Best Age to Have Babies

65 is the Best Age to Have Babies

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Yeah, that was a bold statement.

I’m sure you know about this 65-year-old having quads. I received the impression that many people didn’t see the genius of this plan. So I set out on a mission to prove that having quads at 65 is the BEST thing you can do.

I’m not going to lie- it was harder than I thought, but I think I succeeded. We’ll know soon enough. I apologize if I made your Grandma Dorothy think she should have another baby. I’m sure raising your baby aunts and uncles will be amazing.

Alright, here I go. Proving that you should have children at 65 and GO:

1)      Nothing fills out loose aging skin like a baby belly. You won’t be able to see wrinkles on that tummy when it’s taut with a growing baby inside.

2)      Nothing attracts men like sending out the signal that you are still able to breed. Wait… no, I’m thinking of red lipstick. Nothing attracts a partner like red lipstick. Skip this one for now.

3)      The addition of the prenatal vitamins to your regime is sure to kick that osteoporosis’ butt.

4)      The part of pregnancy that gets uncomfortable and might make you incontinent should be a breeze since you have already grown accustomed to the Depends.

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5)      You are uniquely qualified to teach the beginning stages of eating pureed foods due to your ability to remove your teeth (I think you refer to them as dentures) and demonstrate.

6)      The neighbors at the old folks home are mostly deaf, so they won’t complain if the baby is colicky.

7)      You can ditch the walker now that you have a stroller to maintain balance. Nowadays they call those transportation upgrades “pimpin’ my ride.”

8)      Gertrude (the lady that talks smack at Bingo) will have a heart attack when she hears about it. No lie, someone make sure her medic alert necklace has new batteries. She’s a witch, but we don’t want to kill her.

I will close this with one of my favorite sayings: “Age is just a number.” So get on out there, grandmamas, and make some babies! The benefits of doing so at your age are clear.