By Sarah Pierce
Since becoming a parent, I often find myself blaming motherhood (note: motherhood, NOT my child) for certain aspects of my life. I recently had an epiphany, and I’m working on taking more responsibility for these things that I so easily blame on “being a mom” instead of doing something to change them.
1) Always Being Exhausted
WHAT I SAY: I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night because my daughter didn’t sleep well. Looks like a large coffee day today.
TRUTH: It’s true that probably once every week or two my daughter still sleeps “like a baby,” as in an actual baby, waking up crying — not “like a baby” as in what people without children say to describe how they sleep. However, most nights, my daughter is asleep by 9:30 at the very latest…but I still stay up until 11pm or later to catch up on TV, read, write, or spend time with my husband after he gets home from work.
The truth is that I’m an introvert, and I need what’s so lovingly called “Sarah Time” to recharge. However, I’m the idiot who chooses to stay up for 2 1/2 hours after my daughter goes to sleep, knowing full well I have to be up by 6 am and that I may have a rough night with my daughter. Choosing to stay up later than necessary for “Sarah Time” is why I’m regularly exhausted, not necessarily motherhood.
2) Not Working Out
WHAT I SAY: I don’t have time to go to the gym. Gym memberships are expensive, especially when paying for one with childcare. I don’t know how I’d find time to go enough to make it worth it. Also, I don’t want to send my daughter into a gym daycare while I “selfishly work out.”
TRUTH: I gave up my fancy gym membership long before I was even pregnant. I used it regularly for a while, and then it just became a wasted expense I decided to pull back on. If I wanted to, I could find the money to cover a gym membership. If I wanted to, I could find the time to squeeze a few regular visits a week into my schedule.
The truth is, I walk on my breaks at work when I can, I walk after dinner with my daughter, I put 5.75 miles on my FitBit every day. I just don’t push myself to that next level, and that’s not on motherhood. That’s all on me.
3) My Diet
WHAT I SAY: I need caffeine to get through my day. I eat like crap because I don’t have time to cook, or what I do cook won’t get eaten.
TRUTH: I love cola – Coke or Pepsi, it doesn’t really matter. I always have and probably always will. I’ve never liked cooking, and I’m probably one of the pickiest grown ups you’ll find. I do always make sure my daughter gets her fair share of fruits and veggies, especially if it’s a veggie I don’t like and she does – then I can avoid it.
I’m sure putting some more pressure on myself to improve my sleep would reduce my need for caffeine and result in improvements in both areas (even if I could never completely give up cola), but there’s certainly no direct correlation between being a mom, and having a caffeine filled diet with a vegetable shortage.
4) My Messy House
WHAT I SAY: There are toys everywhere. I can’t keep up with it. I clean, and she makes the mess all over again anyway. Why clean when she’s just going to make the same disaster again?
TRUTH: I’m the one who bought the toys or allowed them into my house. I’m the one responsible for finding a place to keep them, and my husband and I are the ones responsible for making sure she picks up after herself. Furthermore, I’ve always been someone who lives in organized chaos — my desk at work proves it. I do believe in a place for everything…it’s just that sometimes that place is the top of the kitchen table or the top of my dresser.
Tossing toys into my “organized chaos” style surely does make it messier, but as a parent, I lead by example, and clearly that doesn’t include perfectly stacked or sorted junk.
5) Not Hanging with You
WHAT I SAY: Sorry, I can’t come to [insert thing I don’t want to do] — I don’t have anybody to watch my daughter.
TRUTH: Ok, sometimes this is true — I’ve overburdened my parents, the husband already had plans so I get mommy-daughter time, but there are occasions where I downright don’t want to do something, so I use the kid excuse. Trust me, all parents do; it’s one of the benefits. Bar hopping, happy hours with people I don’t really know, and movies I don’t want to see all take precious time away from my time with my family. I must choose wisely how I spend my time away from my daughter, and sometimes that means I use her as a reason to not hang out and do things I don’t enjoy…even if I don’t tell you directly that’s what’s going on.
I’m sorry for that, but not sorry enough to give up more time with my daughter to do something I don’t really want to do.
Stepping up and either owning it or fixing it is now my responsibility. Being a mom is no excuse. It’s been an easy out for certain aspects I know I need to work on. I’m going to try my hardest to recognize when I do this, take ownership of it, and either accept it as it is or do something to change it.
Parenthood shouldn’t be a crutch, and I honestly didn’t even realize I was doing it. Now I do, and I’ll fix it, because it’s important to be a role model for my daughter and show her that owning your faults is as crucial as recognizing them.
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About Sarah Pierce
Sarah Pierce is a midwest mom with one crazy toddler, awesome husband, and a ridiculous chocolate lab, surviving on caffeine, love, and as little sleep as humanly possible. She’s new to the blogging world with a previous contribution on Scary Mommy, and a full time job. Follow Sarah on Twitter (@TriSarahTops04).