By SPM News Team
Last week, a group of men said they were planning a “Straight Pride Parade” in order to “celebrate the diverse history, culture, and contributions of the straight community.”
The vice president of the group “Super Happy Fun America,” Mark Sahady, said the group was planning their parade for Aug. 31, and even provided a route. (Boston officials have since said they have not issued a permit for the group to do so.)
“If you would like to come as an individual, march as a group, or bring a float or vehicle, then get in touch. This is our chance to have a patriotic parade in Boston as we celebrate straight pride,” said Sahady.
Needless to say, Twitter was NOT having it. Here are 21 of the funniest tweets we found about the so-called Straight Pride Parade:
It has about as much chance of happening as the word “fetch.”
stop trying to make a straight pride parade happen it’s never going to happen pic.twitter.com/6IgdVliUm8
— ᵗᵉᵃ spill (@TeaSpillYT) June 5, 2019
In part, because parades aren’t exactly straight.
You can’t have a Straight Pride Parade. Parades are inherently gay. Embrace it.
— Ronald Funches (@RonFunches) June 4, 2019
And WHAT do straight people need a parade for anyway?
why do straight people think they need a straight pride parade
netflix is already paying $100 million to keep friends on, isn't that enough
— leigh hayley (@leighagenda) June 4, 2019
Here’s a peek at what it would look like:
is this a straight pride parade? pic.twitter.com/OrT7MLx9Of
— Spencer Barrett (@spencerbarrett) June 4, 2019
Maybe they already exist…
Isn’t a straight pride parade just the drive thru line at Chick-Fil-A?
— Christine Thompson (@Druncan_Hines) June 4, 2019
a straight pride parade is just the checkout line in old navy
— Cripp Daddy ♿™ (@RealYungCripp) June 5, 2019
The Straight Pride Parade is just five guys wearing this pic.twitter.com/rBMUzdqjk7
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) June 4, 2019
And they have more in common besides being straight.
The Straight Pride Parade should end at a giant clitoris so they just end up walking in circles until they die because they can’t find it.
— Meg Bee (@onedankmom) June 4, 2019
The straight pride parade will be mostly men because very few women will get to come.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 4, 2019
And the fact that they want to have FLOATS is comical in itself.
Floats for the Straight Pride Parade…
– Giant AXE body spray
– Bag of Doritos
– Big Mountain Dew
– Tomi Lahren riding a Swastika
– Jacob Wohl waving on a Twinkie
– Charlie Kirk in a diaper
– The curly hair gun girl in a beige leotard riding an AR-15
– Giant Parent’s basement
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) June 4, 2019
Each float in the straight pride parade is 10 guys explaining a different Coen brothers movie to you.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 5, 2019
But again, why do people think this is needed?
they need a straight
pride parade: lgbtq community: pic.twitter.com/reOIL9dZKS
— Harrison (@theonlyharrison) June 5, 2019
I mean, really.
STRAIGHT PRIDE PARADE?? WHAT'S NEXT STRAIGHT MARRIAGE???
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) June 4, 2019
y'all want a straight pride parade but where's your straight stonewall? where's the families throwin u out for being straight? where's the police raiding your bars, invading your privacy, fining & locking you for existing?? y'all want the fun part but can't handle the worst part.
— that bitch (@queenvajayjay) June 4, 2019
And don’t forget that if there’s a parade, there will be protestors.
i'm totally fine with Boston having a Straight Pride parade, provided:
1) LGBTQIA+ people can attend & be oblivious to straightness & treat it like a random party event
2) there's a mock protester brigade with bullhorns, yelling how all straight people are going to burn in hell
— 🚀𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕔𝕣𝕒𝕗𝕗𝕗💫 (@spacecrafff) June 4, 2019
Here’s the REAL reason for it:
Wow! Cool initiative, fellas!! Just a thought, instead of ‘Straight Pride’ parade, how about this: The ‘desperately trying to bury our own gay thoughts by being homophobic because no one taught us how to access our emotions as children’ parade? Whatta ya think? Too on the nose?? https://t.co/gaBWtq2PaL
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) June 5, 2019
It’s embarrassing for everyone.
White people, quick question:
Do yall sometimes see something racist and you just feel embarrassed to be a white person?
I'm asking because I'm watching Straight Pride Parade trend and I honestly think I can relate.
— Deon (@imnottayediggs) June 4, 2019
And maybe it’s the same group of white guys with pitchforks and tiki torches.
let's see who the straight pride parade really is pic.twitter.com/P2HHCq24BK
— corellianpirate (@kiwi_maddog12) June 4, 2019
But the best joke is the fact that we’re having this discussion at all.
Nice try everyone but the best joke about the straight pride parade is the phrase straight pride parade
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) June 5, 2019
Gay Pride is about celebrating their right to live without persecution. It’s about the fact that gay rights are human rights. It’s celebrated in the month of June because it marks the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots in 1969, which are largely considered a “galvanizing force for LGBT political activism.”
So maybe instead of people whining about starting a Straight Pride Parade (Or “White History Month” for that matter), they should just be happy that they haven’t ever needed one because they’ve never been oppressed or rejected because of their sexual orientation.