Summertime is not for the faint of heart. When you’re young, summertime is all fun and games, but when you’re a haggard old parent, summertime is just trying to subvert those fun and games so you can get to where you’re going, goddammit, we don’t have all day!
Summertime is a time of fun, relaxation and fanning your undertitties in the gentle breeze of the one fan you have left that your kids haven’t broken. Summertime is the time of year that you realize that one drop of water will turn your child’s loudness meter way up to 11. Summertime is the time that ice pops and goldfish crackers are acceptable dinner cuisine, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to turn on this oven in this heat!
Summertime is for taking long trips in the car to fun places that your kids will sulk about. Summertime is for realizing your shorts don’t fit and self-medicating with waffle cones. Summertime is for turning in your daily routine of yelling “SHOOOES!” when you are trying to leave the house for the more weather-appropriate seasonal alternative, “SANDALLLS!”
Summertime is great, and we wait for it all year! However, it still has its own ups and downs, only this time with 100% more swamp ass!
Whether it be the daily struggle of fighting your kids to wear sunscreen, or the complete lack of effort that goes into meals, summertime is a season with its own challenges. Luckily, most of these are as hilarious as they are frustrating!
20 Summertime Tweets To Make You LOL While You Sweat
1. Get ready to say this one LOTS
“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!”
-Parents cussing all summer
— Megan Rikas (@MegsHAUSTED) July 16, 2018
2. Security level: EXPERT
[at the beach, about to get in the ocean]
"but i don't want my stuff stolen"
*covers it with towel*
"ok now it's safe"
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) July 11, 2017
3. It always gets rave reviews!
You can always count on me to bring my famous recipe of "bag of ice" to your summer cookout.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 25, 2018
4. A little bribery is good for the skin
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or it doesn't get the hose again."
– Me trying to get my kids to wear sunscreen during summer
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 5, 2017
5. Who says school’s out for summer?
“What are your summer plans?”
The kids and I are spending our days watching stand-ups so we can just roast the shit out of dad when he gets home.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) May 31, 2019
6. Oh hey, more laundry
If everything the kids touched isn’t soaking wet in a pile on the floor did you even summer today?
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) June 18, 2017
7. Just like the real thing!
Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) August 2, 2016
8. Big maternal energy
First week of summer break: Trips to the park, the beach, and the zoo
Second week of summer break: The wi-fi is your mother now
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 13, 2018
9. So convenient!
It’s weird how a Costco sized bottle of sangria coincides with the start of summer break.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) June 4, 2018
10. Homemade is always better for you
Give her ice cream, and her love will grow.
Teach her to make her own ice cream, and she’ll grow three to four pants sizes by the end of summer.
— Megan Rikas (@MegsHAUSTED) July 14, 2018
11. Did you know that 3 months is roughly 91 days?
It was when my kids fought over a piece of yarn today that my excitement for 3 months of summer truly peaked.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) May 24, 2017
12. Nutritious AND delicious
It isn't officially summer until your kids are surviving on nothing but hot dogs and watermelon.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) June 6, 2016
13. 5 stars
Fun summertime activity:
Take the partially drank water bottles your kids leave all around the house and waterboard them
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) August 10, 2018
14. Hey, at least they have snacks there
I always have these big plans for summer. I put big plans on the calendar. Today was “Take the kids to the zoo!” But it turned into “take the kids to Costco”
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) August 7, 2018
15. The BEST
Summer is great if you absolutely hate being comfortable and feel the intense desire to drink water until you die
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) June 13, 2016
16. Pro-tip: It’s probably just where they left it
Summer is the time of year where I spend more time outdoors looking for the children’s belongings.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 8, 2018
17. Wait, so we won’t be entertained nonstop every minute?
-Kids on the 4th day of summer break
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 4, 2019
18. JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE THESE CRACKERS!
Parenting in the summer is basically like that scene in Jurassic Park where they feed the velociraptors a cow, but it's you tossing snacks at your kids.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) July 18, 2018
19. Math, it’s universal
Parenthood summer math:
If you have 3 kids & 10 water guns what are the chances that they still all fight over the same one?
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) June 5, 2017
20. Summertime parenting really needs its own HR department
Met a mom of 4 who took the summer off to be with her kids; said it was way harder than work and she couldn’t wait to get back. Her job? SHE’S AN ONCOLOGIST
— ParlerToddler (@Parler_Toddler) October 12, 2018
If you want to beat the heat with some summer LOLs, be sure and share this list with a friend!