Humor Parenting SPM/MM Tweets

22 B*tchin’ Tweets About Being a Sweary AF Parent

You’re not a regular parent, you’re like, a cool parent. Along with all the cool features.

Sensible vehicle? Check!

A complete lack of teaspoons in your home? Check check!

Carefree putyourfuckingshoesonbeforeicombustintoafieryragedemon-itis? Check check check, motherfuckers!

But the main thing that you probably have LOADS of as a parent is cuss words. A fucking abundance of ’em.

Now, some people out there think that swearing is crass and rude. And to those people I say, “Piss off, pal!”

As a parent, you have so many of your vices stripped from you. Little Timmy eats his weight in goldfish crackers daily, so you can’t afford to emotionally shop. Day drinking is generally frowned upon. Yeesh, you can’t even get your bang on because chances are there’s someone who needs their ass wiped or crusts cut. It ain’t sexy, but someone’s gotta do it. Congratulations! That someone is you.

So swearing is one of the great emotional releases that we have left. Parenting is hard. SO HARD. So what’s a little f-bomb here and there if it means that you stay sane?

Now, the problem with being a sweary parent is that you try not to let your kids hear it. Because blurting out “shit!” when you drop your sticky handful of crackers is not a good look for a toddler. So many of us try our best to not swear in front of our littles. And many more of us fail.

Whether it be in the car, in the house, or while on a wholesome family adventure, the cuss words flow so smoothly. Being sweary is just a part of who we are, and despite our best efforts, we can’t seem to quit, gosh darn it.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the following list about the hilarious struggles of being a sweary parent.

1. Children are fast learners when they want to be

2. The parenting journey is full of life lessons

3. What if I told you those words can be used elsewhere…

4. It’s like therapy, but louder

5. This is legit

6. So graceful

7. Sorry teach, this is bullshit

8. Selective hearing is a bitch

9. Uncensored music and a trip to the store without the kids? COUNT. ME. IN.

10. Reality check

11. Damn that selective hearing again

12. Like rap, but for chores

13. THE TORTURE

14. Mommy just needs to relax, sweetie

15. We got a rebel up in here

16. Do as we say, not as we do

17. Just a slight variation on the classics

18. It’s called educating them

19. It was a good run

20. No one is safe

21. Nama-stay zen

22. The truth

Now, it’s important to note that you should never judge another parent for their language. Unless they don’t swear at all, in which case, judge the shit out of that weirdo.

If you have friends that are sweary parents too, then get ’em to haul ass over and check out this list. Share the shit out of it and brighten someone’s day!