Those simple two words bring to mind the thought of open roads, wide skies and endless adventure. The road trip is an idealized scenario, heavily romanticized as a way to escape the drudgery and embark on a quest of adventure, of life, of limitless unknown possibilities that lie spread before you like the many miles of the vast, concrete, hope-filled pavement.
However, in reality, road trips look much different. You see, there is the road trip you see in movies where the protagonist and a lover or some friends embark on a journey, learn some thangs, live laugh and love a little.
And then there is the road trip the rest of us take. One that’s full of public restrooms, overpriced beef jerky, and the presence of your family trying to bare-knuckle box each other in the back seat, drowning out your 80s-themed playlist. Rude!
Recently, I saw an article about taking road trip with your family and what an incredible bonding experience it can be. And I totally agree. If by bonding, you mean you want to bond your shoe to all their asses as you kick them out of a moving car for fighting, cheese-puff hogging, or generally breathing too loudly when you’re 3 hours deep into a 7 hour “adventure.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But at the same time, I can think of a great variety of things I’d rather do than be trapped in a moving vehicle with their moany, picky asses as we meander through the great wide yonder. Some of these things include getting a pap smear, cleaning the gutters, booking that colonoscopy and asking the local mom group for advice regarding this rash I just found.
However, despite the tribulations, you better believe we as parents are going to keep on keeping on regardless of how it hurts us, because memories dammit!
At least the shared experience of family road tripping can lead to relatable comedy gold.
Behold! Here Are 19 Hilarious Tweets About the Traveling Shitshow Known as the Family Road Trip!
1. Pack wisely
Damn, looks like I brought the wrong 47 children's books on our road trip.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 22, 2018
2. Don’t forget the essentials
*spends 5 hours packing & loading the car for family road trip
*child forgets to wear shoes
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 31, 2017
3. The scenery will be amazing
It started as a family road trip but quickly morphed into a Bathrooms of America tour.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 21, 2018
4. With family road trips, less is more
My kids just spent an entire road trip hitting each other with half empty water bottles, but congratulations on the birth of your second child.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 3, 2019
5. True story
I made so many great memories with my family on vacation but I forgot about all of them on our 12 hour car ride home. #FamilyVacation
— Hashtag MomFail (@hashtagmomfail) July 29, 2018
6. Them gas station bathrooms, tho
I keep trying to type “road trip with kids” and auto correct keeps changing it to “most disgusting public bathroom tour.”
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) May 28, 2019
7. THE HORROR
A haunted hayride but you’re in a car with kids on a long road trip and forgot to pack the chargers.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 24, 2019
8. Aww, the first fight of the season
My favorite tradition with the kids is the fight we all get into trying to get out of the house for a road trip ❤️
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) July 13, 2018
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of spring break in Cancún we can stop 4 hours into a road trip to clean puke out of the audio port on the iPad and hose off the car seat.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 30, 2018
10. Mom is the manager of vacation
When I was a kid, and we'd all be in the car ready to leave on vacation, my Mom would always run back into the house for what seemed like forever. We would all wonder what she was doing in there. Now I know what she was doing. Everything. She was doing everything.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) October 5, 2018
11. The gift that keeps on giving
Vacations end but puke smells in car seats are forever.
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) May 28, 2017
12. Oh look, another fight. This is fun
My favorite road trip game is:
I Can't Believe You Forgot That I TOLD You To Pack It YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!
— Marl (@Marlebean) March 25, 2016
13. Everyone is the worst on a road trip
14. Just give up, it’s going to happen anyway
Before road trip: Kids, we have a long way to go so let’s keep the car clean.
5 minutes into road trip: *kids throwing trail mix like confetti*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 11, 2018
15. Shots fired
The most shameful thing a dad can do is be the one who has to pee on a road trip.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 2, 2016
16. Every parent of a little one has been there
Would it even be a road trip with a 4 year old if we didn’t have to stop at two rest stops in a row because she “didn’t leave all her pee at the last one.”
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) February 20, 2018
17. Mom is also the manager of the radio, FYI
Road trip rules
1) I control the radio while I'm driving
2) I control the radio while you're driving
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 21, 2016
18. It’s always too cold, except when it’s too hot
My favorite part of a road trip is arguing about the car temperature for 12 hours straight.
— Marl (@Marlebean) March 25, 2016
19. Taking a really long time is kind of our specialty
As a family, we are especially good at cramming a 4 hour road trip into seven.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) December 27, 2017
Have a friend who’s considering taking a nice family road trip? Make sure to share this with her because preparedness matters!