By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
Moms deal with a lot of shit (both literally and figuratively) every day. The least we can get is 24 hours of recognition once a year.
We try to keep our expectations low. Very low. Depressingly low.
We understand that you might only now, reading this, realize that Mother’s Day is coming up.
We know that you will probably end up shopping for us at CVS last minute.
We’re already mentally prepared for having to clean whatever messes are left in our house come Monday morning.
And the only jewelry we’re expecting is of the macaroni variety.[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]
But here is a collection of hilarious tweets that best describe how we really feel about Mother’s Day (and what we actually want):
Now taking bets on what time this Sunday I first utter the words, “Mother’s Day, my ass.”
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) May 8, 2015
You too can be the proud recipient of a new popsicle stick frame every May for the low low price of total vagina destruction.
— Anna Grace (@graceful_asfuck) May 4, 2016
My Mother’s Day wish list
* hot sex
* peace & quiet
* a time machine to travel back to my 20’s when both were even remotely possible
— ✨WendyDarling✨ (@wendchymes) May 10, 2017
My daughter wrote, “I will see you every day of our lives,” on my Mother’s Day card, so I guess we’ve resorted to threats now.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) May 8, 2016
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Mother’s Day is a special day when I get to do the dishes and yell at people to stop making siren noises while I wear a macaroni necklace.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) May 8, 2016
Gives up on laundry.
Makes fort out of laundry.
Hides in fort.
Writes “Send wine” in dust on nearby table.
— Mama babbles… (@mama_babble) May 2, 2017
Mother’s Day is a great day to relax and make sure you prove how much your kids love you on social media
— Semi-happy Ally (@TragicAllyHere) May 4, 2016
What’s my Mom superpower? I haven’t lost my shit on anyone yet today. I’m feeling pretty super about that.
— Mama Needs a Nap (@MamaNeedsa_Nap) May 11, 2017
When you have little ones, it’s not really Mother’s Day…it’s more like Mother’s 22 minutes to an hour, tops.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) May 2, 2016
As for what we actually want for Mother’s Day:
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I don’t know what my husband is planning for Mother’s Day but I sure hope it involves me sleeping all day.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 4, 2016
“Every morning when you wake up,” I tell my kids inspirationally, “You have to ask yourself one crucial question: Could I sleep later?”
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 29, 2017
Is it too much to ask to be surrounded by my beautiful children but also not spend even one second with them this mother’s day?
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) May 9, 2017
This Mother’s Day show mom you really care by not peeing on the toilet seat.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) May 11, 2017
A lottery where the jackpot is that somebody comes to babysit your kids whenever you want
— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) May 1, 2017
Ugh I need a new house this one is dirty
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) September 4, 2016
Me: I want to be able to think like a man.
Genie: Granted.[5 min later]
Genie: So what do you think so far?
Me: About what?
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) May 8, 2017
Mother’s Day gift idea: Not asking her for money that day
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) April 30, 2015
And the one thing the majority of us definitely don’t want:
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Me: Babies are so sweet. I should have another.
Friend: That’s exciting!
M: No, that is not exciting. That was a test, and you failed.
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) May 4, 2017
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