By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
Living with toddlers essentially means living under the rule of pint-sized dictators. They’re constantly screaming orders and have larger-than-life tantrums when their demands aren’t met. These tiny humans have terrible hand-eye coordination, never sleep, and live on a strict diet of toast and fruit snacks.
If you’ve ever encountered one of these creatures, or woken to one standing over you like a miniature version of Paranormal Activity in the middle of the night, then you’ll definitely relate to these tweets:
[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/][parent in the future, handing tablet to angry toddler] “Shhhh, use your gifs.”
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) November 6, 2016
You don’t realize how much you miss your privacy until you have a toddler hugging you the entire time you pee.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) June 28, 2016
God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 27, 2016
Phone: Your storage is full.
*deletes 93 images of my kid’s earlobe.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) June 24, 2016
[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]I’ll never know fear like a hamster being held by a 3yo.
— krismuscake (@krismuscookie) February 14, 2016
You can lead a toddler to water but you can’t make her think it’s juice.
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) February 10, 2016
Shout out to toddlers who are biters. I totally get you.
— ☃ Miss Kerri ☃ (@kwirkyKerri) November 1, 2016
Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you’re going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second.
— Sara Timon-Pumbaa (@tararose711) February 25, 2016
It’s funny how slaying a dragon doesn’t sound quite so daunting after putting a toddler down for their nap.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) May 28, 2016
A bounce house at a 2 year old’s birthday party is like a toddler version of the Hunger Games.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) February 8, 2014
My toddler is taking an online multicultural summer school class.
By that I mean she is watching Peppa Pig in Spanish on You Tube.— Why all these kids? (@whyallthesekids) June 22, 2016
Having a toddler means never having to say I’m sorry there’s a half eaten banana in your gift bag.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 23, 2016
[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]*toddler screaming in car seat*
Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home.
Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?
— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) June 27, 2016
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 25, 2015
[picks up something from the floor of the car]
“Mommy! Look! A fruit snack!”
[eats it]“Nevermind. It was a rock.”
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) January 4, 2017
The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It’s only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 11, 2015
Trying to put my toddler to bed is like trying to put a toddler to bed.
— TheNotSoSuperMom (@notsosupermom_) June 20, 2014
[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]*Friend opening iPad I gave her for her baby shower*
Her: But screentime is-
Me: -Shh
Her: Not until they’re 2-
Me: *smothering her* Shhhhhh— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 29, 2016
Sometimes all you can do is laugh, or have a bottle glass of wine, to make them slightly more tolerable. But at the end of the day, they’re still toddlers.
The good news is at least they’re not teenagers yet.
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About the Author
Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at Mock Mom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.