NOW THAT I’VE EARNED $15 at the LEGO store for spending $300 there in the last two and a half years, I’ve learned a little something.
For starters, I wish I earned LEGO points for ordering online, because then I’d be in business for extra LEGO rewards, as would every member of my family and my circle of dads and moms also buying LEGOs for every birthday party ever. EVER.
I also have surrendered to the fact that I will never not be able to get LEGOs for my children (until my son applies to MIT and then he’s on his own for purchasing). My daughter is also a great builder, but not as committed to strictly LEGOs at the age of four. She does mix it in with dress-up time, though. My small box of LEGOs from my 80s childhood is nothing in comparison to my son’s collection, which keeps multiplying after dark.
Here’s a list of secrets for keeping sane:
1. Tape or plug ALL the cracks on the floors and walls in case you lose a tiny itty bitty piece that will cause your LEGO Master hours of agony. This goes for playing LEGOs outside on the porch. Do this or you will throw out your neck or back searching for that tiny little piece like an idiot. You might also throw out your back from lifting couches, which you shouldn’t do.
2. ALL LEGO bricks can be interchanged regardless of color, creed, orientation, packaging, unit, or race. Unless your LEGO Master is a perfectionist, which mine is. So good luck.
3. LEGO products will never stop evolving, so get a third or fourth job. For example, you may have ALL the Ninjago, Star Wars, or Chima toys, but there is a new Ninjago, Star Wars, or Chima special coming any day now on Cartoon Network, along with newer LEGO products. May your LEGO Master feign interest for the new new newer stuff.
4. LEGOs are portable, but this is inadvisable unless you have a clearly outlined plan for wherever you’re going. Grandma’s house is recommended for LEGO trips, but a friend’s house, the playground, or a mall isn’t (unless you’re buying LEGOs at the mall and building them in the Food Court, where you will be on LEGO parts duty to make sure a piece doesn’t get lost or some kid doesn’t want to build too, which should and always happens).
5. Yes, you will be getting LEGO keychains for the foreseeable rounds of Father’s and Mother’s Days. Find more keys to put them on.
6. LEGO makes LEGO sets for everything. Choose wisely.
7. LEGO will cross reference multiple toy platforms, so your child will be branded several times. Watch out. One day you will be wondering why your kid is drawing LEGO brand Star-Wars- Angry-Bird-Plants-Versus-Zombies-Transformers. It’ll happen. Marketers got super savvy since the 80s.
8. Instructions can be found online, but we all know that LEGOs are funner when instructions aren’t involved.
[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]9. Be prepared to say, “You have a MILLION LEGOs already!” over and over when asked for a newly branded or invented LEGO units.
10. If your LEGO Master is missing a piece and can’t not obsess over it, you can find all bricks and pieces online or at the LEGO store. Or just give it a few days and he or she will forget about it (chances are, they won’t forget if they are true LEGO Masters). DO NOT resort to stealing from friends or businesses, which is easier.
11. LEGOLand and LEGO stores didn’t exist in the 80s or 90s, but they do now. Watch your wallet.
12. Playing with LEGOs all the time will not make your LEGO Master an engineer as an adult, but it might. And engineers make good money. What’s your retirement plan look like again?
13. Humans have built pyramids and skyscrapers. Yes, we are amazing. But your LEGO Master can build more amazing things than ever imagined ever in history. Ever. This is a good thing.
14. Hours of LEGO building is way better than most things your LEGO Master could be doing. A steady diet of LEGOs, running around outside, reading, music, drawing, and playing games is ideal.
15. That LEGO face smile on Benny when he’s about to build a Spaceship? That’s exactly what LEGO joy feels like.
16. LEGOs are for ALL kids, and girls SHOULD play with LEGOs, but not necessarily “girl” LEGOs.
17. Kid Sister or Kid Brother will grab and throw LEGO Master’s latest creation against the floor or wall if pushed the wrong way, so get ready for that. LEGO creations are the most fragile of all Kid creations, unless you’re doing ships in bottles or houses of cards. Revenge is a dish best served on fragile toys. They know this from birth somehow.
Now get building!
This piece originally appeared on Nerdy Dad Shirt and The Good Men Project.
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