SAHM/D life is great, if you like wiping up spilled milk and pee, never showering, and Calliou on continuous repeat. Here are 16 tweets that tell the truth about this glamorous life.
Humor Parenting Tweets

16 Tweets About The Sh*t-Storm That Is Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

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SAHM/D life is great, if you like wiping up spilled milk and pee, never showering, and Calliou on continuous repeat. Here are 16 tweets that tell the truth about this glamorous life.

My favorite SAHM moments are when it’s 9 a.m. and I’m wrestling a hangry toddler soaked in pee at Target and some woman named Nancy sees me emerge from the tiny bathroom stall, dripping with sweat, also now smelling like pee, and tells me “how lucky I am” to be able to stay home with my kids.

It’s. My. Favorite.

Am I fortunate to stay home? Of course. I know there are parents who’d love a shot at this gig and can’t swing it financially. But until you’ve done it for 10 years (or even a day), you don’t know. You don’t know how goddamn long the days are. How lonely it is despite having small children crawl all over you and paw at your boobs, hair, and eyeballs and press on your “squishy” tummy in a fit of giggles. How much it makes you resent your spouse who gets to leave the house in real clothes and “grab a coffee” at 10 a.m. with “Bill from the office down the hall.”

You don’t have a Bill down the hall. Or even coffee, because you ran out, and the thought of taking your toddler and infant out to the store when it’s 41 degrees is worse, so you’ll just chew the last of the grounds from the bottom of the pot, close your eyes, and pretend you’re in Tahiti.

I don’t regret one minute of my SAHM years, and I am grateful. But some days sucked. Like royally. Thankfully, however, the one thing that saves today’s SAHMs and SAHDs is reading on Twitter about how much it sucks for other parents, too.

Here are 16 gems that you can call your “coffee with Bill” because this is as good as it’s going to get.

 

So at least we know we aren’t alone in our Calliou-induced hell. And if you finally get your tiny humans to sit quietly for 10 freaking minutes, you can forego that shower one more day (I mean, so there’s spit-up and mashed bananas in your hair. That’s actually the SAHM scent—coming soon to a Macy’s near you!) And instead of practicing personal hygiene, you can read more parenting tweets like these.

Hang in there, moms and dads. Someday they’ll all be in school and you’ll miss this. (At least that’s what Nancy in the bathroom at Target tells me.)