I don’t know about you guys, but as a parent, I enjoy it when my kids come home from school starving and the healthy lunch I packed for them is either still in their lunchbox or in the trash. It’s my favorite part of parenting.
I mean, if buying those “cutie” easy-peel oranges, but then peeling them for your lazy ass kids anyway and even getting most of the stringy white stuff off, only to open your kid’s lunch box at 4 p.m. to see those little fuckers still in that little Tupperware container doesn’t make you happy, why’d you even have kids?
Well, here are a few parents from Twitter who also love wasting money packing their kids healthy lunches so that society doesn’t judge them. (Or they’ve given up and now just throw away money on hot lunch.)
7: Mom, there’s something wrong with those apple sticks…
Me: it’s jicama
7: I want Dad to pack my lunch from now on.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 9, 2015
*Text from 12 year old son:
What is this is in my lunch bag?
Me: Celery and carrots.
Nice try dad. Nice fucking try.
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) November 14, 2018
Whatever snack my kid doesn’t finish in her lunchbox, I just leave in there.
By Friday, she’s got a Golden Corral style buffet.
— Marl (@Marlebean) March 1, 2016
In an effort to save money i pack school lunch for all my kids so they can throw it out for slightly less than it costs to buy it in the cafeteria and eat it.
— Elisabeth. (@YourMomsucksTho) April 24, 2018
Me: I ate all the chips.
Wife: What!? For the boys’ lunches!? Well, at least we still have cheeze its.
Me: You’re not going to believe this
— keith (@tchrquotes) September 26, 2016
Me: I forgot to pack a dessert with your lunch today.
5: I know. I’m not mad.
5: I’m just disappointed.
5: that’s worse.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) May 3, 2017
Me: What was the best part of your day, buddy?
6yo: I FINDED A RICE KRISPIE TREAT ON THE FLOOR AT LUNCH SO I ATE IT
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 2, 2016
Ran outta bread making lunches so one had to get the end piece
Deciding which kid got the crappy sandwich was the hardest mom decision ever
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 29, 2017
My daughter’s lunch box at the end of the day is like a box of chocolates. You never know what will be in there. A candy wrapper I didn’t pack? The carrot she bit, chewed, then spit back out? Her whole sandwich untouched? A sock? Anything is possible.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) November 14, 2018
Me: *checks 8yo’s lunchbox* wow, a half eaten sandwich that’s been sitting in a hot backpack all day, thanks for bringing that home.
8: Sorry, Mom. I’ll throw it away next time.
Me: *mouthful of sandwich* what? why?
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 5, 2018
Packing School Lunch at the Beginning of the Year: sandwich, crackers, GoGurt, apple slices, juice box, napkin, “I love you!” note
Packing School Lunch at the End of the Year: Chili’s gift card, M&Ms from Halloween
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 4, 2018
The list of items my kids can’t bring for lunch is so long it has a foreword by J.K. Rowling.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 31, 2017
I wish there was an Olympic event for making your kid’s lunches super fast because you woke up late & you don’t want them to miss the bus.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 21, 2017
4 is very independent, and wants to pack her own lunch. I think I’m going to let her.
*4 eating cheese and drinking maple syrup*
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 18, 2016
Pro-tip – when putting fruit in your kids’ lunches so the teachers will know you’re a good parent, go with an apple. Those suckers can go to and from school uneaten a good 16 times before they need to be replaced.
— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) November 14, 2018
30 minutes is not long enough for school lunch. My son needs at least that much time to search for spices that might be poisoning his food.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 23, 2016
Anyway, I’m off to the grocery store to shop for next week’s lunches. Probably try strawberries this week because it’s really most fulfilling when the fruit they don’t eat is effectively smashed into that one corner of their lunchboxes, and strawberries are good for that.
Hope they’re on sale.