Grandparents are many things – lovely, kind, caring, wise… and good Lord, an easy mark for our kids.
When we talk about the circle of life, we neglect to mention a pretty huge developmental stage that happens in late adulthood – the Grandparent Phase. The Grandparent Phase is when we throw caution to the wind, say FUCK THE RULES and spoil our children’s children with reckless abandon!
If you have ever sent your kids to their grandma’s house, only for them to come back acting like they were hooked up to an industrial hose that pumped sugar and bad attitude right into their greedy little faces, then you have been victimized by the Grandparent Phase. If you have ever firsthand witnessed the hardass parent you grew up with acting like a disinterested zookeeper that has blinders on when it comes to your children’s wrongdoings, then what you are seeing is the Grandparent Phase in action. If you have ever seen your parents or in-laws acting like your child’s psychotic behavior was “oh, so clever!” followed by a reward of cookies or ice cream, then you, my friend, are being slapped in the face by the Grandparent Phase.
Although it may seem like there is some foul play at work here, like some sort of brain-eating amoeba has burrowed into the head of your family member and has started to eat away at all their common sense, the truth is far more simple. They are simply following the doctrine of “Not My Fucking Problem.” However, they do love these kids with all their hearts, and love in the presence of “not my fucking problem” philosophy is a spoiled and lawless land.
And even though it seems as if our kids are the manipulators, pulling the strings of their sweet old grannies, we, the generation in between, know better. The grandparents are loving every minute, as they bask in the glory of being favorite, the true treasure of being in the Grandparent Phase.
So here’s to grandparents! May we treasure them as much as they treasure us. Despite all the chaos that comes after, we wouldn’t trade that time away from the kids for anything, and for this we thank you!
15 Tweets About How Grandma’s House Is A Lawless Land
6: But grandma would let me!
Me: Ha ha my mom’s better than your mom.
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) September 8, 2019
6: Can I live with you?
Grandma: I don't raise kids. I just spoil them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2019
“Feed them ice cream for every meal, no naps, and say yes to every demand. Got it.” -Grandparents
— Erin De Boer (@AcciSuperMom) September 8, 2019
Who needs fireworks when you can try to put your 5yo to bed after Grandma's spent the day feeding him sugar?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 1, 2016
Hell hath no fury, nor a big enough credit limit, for the grandma who is being out grandma’d by the other grandma.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) May 10, 2018
We went to my in-laws yesterday, and my children were so excited to spend time with their grandparents’ television.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 31, 2018
It's time to do some culinary self-evaluation when your child says You know who makes a great peanut butter and jelly? Grandma.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) May 10, 2017
Daylight Savings parenting hack: send kids to sleep over at grandma's house. She thinks they're such a joy, let's see how she feels at 5am.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 13, 2016
Me: Did you miss me while you were at Grandma’s house?
6-year-old: She let us make cookies.
Me: I missed you.
6: We ate them for breakfast.
So that’s a no.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2018
Me: I said NO! Do you need a timeout?
3yo: But Grandma lets me!
Me: *narrows eyes* Sounds like GRANDMA needs a timeout.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 28, 2014
If you guys need anything, just get my 6yo to ask her grandma for it.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 20, 2018
Lol at my kids thinking I'm going to cut crust off of a sandwich. This isn't a request line or grandma's house.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 27, 2016
Daughter: Mom, where can I practice my recorder?
Me: *drives her over to Grandma’s house*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 31, 2019
My mom as a mom: You'll eat every bit of that turkey, Julia!
And as grandma: You don't like turkey? Aww here's a bunch of cookies and shit.
— Jules (@SaltyCorpse) November 22, 2016
WE LOVE YOU, GRANDPARENTS!
But to be perfectly honest, we can’t wait until it’s our turn. *laughs maniacally*