It’s that time of year, parents! The countdown is on. For some of you, it’s a matter of a couple weeks. For me, we still have a month to go, but IT’S THE LAST MONTH. The kids are going back to school!
Have I enjoyed my mommy-moments with them this summer? Of course. I mean, who doesn’t love moldy wet towels on the floor of their mini-van and kids up all night with belly-aches after eating 87 popsicles at a BBQ? Those are the memories parenthood is made of. But alas, it’s time to pack those buggers up and send them off to another place (that isn’t my house) to be dealt with by other grownups (who aren’t me) for 8 hours a day. And it’s glorious.
Even the back-to-school shopping part. Even if I spend a hundred bucks per kid for pencils, crayons, and glue sticks. And even if my 7-year-old wears me down enough so I break and buy her a $40 Shopkins backpack that will fall apart in a month. Whatever. Just take them, teachers. Please. Also, I love you.
And if you’re all “You should enjoy your summers with your kids! What kind of mother are you?” you can shut your trap right now, Susan. I do love my summers with my kids. I just also happen to love it when they’re over.
So if you are also trudging through the school supplies aisle in search of wide-ruled (not college ruled!) paper and odor-less Expo markers, you might relate to this list of funny tweets about the joy (or hell, or both) that is back to school shopping.
My kids start school tomorrow.
I’ve spent my entire day labeling everything they own, so I can find it in the lost&found in two days.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 4, 2017
I love back to school shopping so much I gave my kids my ATM card & called them an Uber.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 8, 2016
If The Walking Dead needs to cast any extras, they could just round up all the parents in the teen dept. doing back to school shopping.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) August 14, 2016
I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but don’t get your kids off brand crayons for back to school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 25, 2018
Want criminal reform and rehabilitation?
Make them go #BackToSchool shopping at Walmart during peak hours as community service.
— not the WORST mom 🤷🏽♀️ (@nottheworstmom) August 28, 2016
Back to school shopping, but it’s just me adding titles to my Netflix watchlist.
— Difficult Mommy (@difficultmommy) July 26, 2017
If anyone needs me, I’ll be labeling school supplies from now until my kids graduate.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) August 10, 2015
Back-to-school shopping with the kids from The Shining.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) July 25, 2018
When back to school shopping, don’t forget the good luck card and the decorative shot glass for the teacher.
— Snarky Breeders (@snarkybreeders) July 25, 2018
Can we have a mythical creature for Back to School shopping? Like a mall Santa, but Back to School Squirrel. And the parents sit on his lap and tell him all the things they want to do once those energy-suckers are out of the house.#backtoschool
— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) July 26, 2018
Hey Parents complaining about buying school supplies: your kids are going Back 👏To 👏School 👏
— ParlerToddler (@Parler_Toddler) July 26, 2018
“By the way, Mom, Daddy is taking me back-to-school shopping instead of you. He gives me more money and less chit-chat.”
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) August 23, 2013
I don’t day drink often. But when I do, it’s after dropping $150 on school supplies w/ a tantruming 2yo along for the ride.#backtoschool
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) August 3, 2015
We should be seeing significant recovery in the economy now that I’ve done our back to school shopping.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) August 13, 2016
Back-to-school shopping is great if you like swearing at your children in public.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 28, 2018
Here we come, Target! I know you’re as ready for us as we are ready for you. And teachers, we hope you’ve had a wonderful summer dreaming of the day we hand over our sweet cherubs. (Oh wait, that’s our dream.) Either way, here they are! Bye-bye!
*throws 10 pocket folders at teacher
*peels out of parking lot