Toys are creepy. Not all toys, of course, but many toys. Got a birthday or holiday present to purchase any time soon? I dare you to pick up one of these 12 toys that will give you nightmares.
WARNING: There isn’t enough eye bleach in the world to make you unsee what follows. Proceed at your own risk. You’re definitely gonna want your mommy.
1. This Puritan Voodoo Doll. For the child in your life who’s both predestined for Hell and insistent upon taking as many others with her as possible.
2. This Victorian Bride of Chucky. Nothing says “I’m undead yet also fashionable” quite as well as she.
3. This Introspective Revenge Murderer. Perfect for the young sociopath in training.
4. This shocked flasher. One part pervy, two parts anatomically scarring.
4. This Nearly Headless Flagellant. I don’t know Polish, but I imagine this says, “Come mortify some flesh with me, kids.”
5. This Frankensteined Rosie from The Jetsons. She’ll clean your house, and then she’ll chop you into tiny pieces.
6. This Tricycle Belonging to One of the Children of the Corn. Buried beneath thousands of innocent souls for years.
7. This Deceptive Bridge Troll. It’s smiling on the outside, but on the inside it wants to eat your intestines for breakfast.
8. This Undeniably Headless Puppy Dog. “Our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!”
9. These Naked, Flying Angel Babies. Cupid shot arrows of love. These guys shoot arrows of strychnine.
10. This Post-Apocalyptic Menagerie. Few things satisfy a child’s innate curiosity like a WWE action figurine atop a collection of molten, metallic baby doll heads.
11. This Jaundiced Medusa Wannabe. Forget getting her a pony, folks. A G-I-Joe-haired mannequin undergoing renal failure is definitely the better option.
12. This Homicidal Clown. Give that special little one the gift of lifelong therapy this year.
Welp, there you have it. Sweet dreams I guess!