I remember entering into that phase of life where we got a house and were ready to start decorating in a way that didn’t look as if we just scored all of our shit off the side of the road (it’s called frat house chic, sweetie, look it up). I toiled over Pinterest spreads, forgetting that there’s one huge obstacle standing between me and having a nice looking home: my darling children.
Now, I could cite the fact that they have this compulsion to drag everything I own on the floor, or I could blame it on the fact that they keep me so busy cleaning up after them that I simply have no time to decorate like a fancy betch, but really it’s a combination of everything. Unless my idea of home decor expands to include peanut butter handprints on all of my textiles, then it simply won’t be a thing that happens in my house.
Among the things standing in the way of you and a perfectly decorated house? Your spouse who loves tartan. Your cat who loves puking. Your teenager who loves making everything in your house a resting place for old cereal bowls. Oh yes, the struggle is very real when it comes to decorating like you live in a magazine, when really you live in a glorified zoo.
Here’s what the funny parents of Twitter had to say about the struggle of interior decorating as a parent!
1. Decor is in the eye of the beholder. Also, Capri Sun
Parents, what's your favorite juice box brand to decorate random windowsills throughout your home with?
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 18, 2016
2. It’s true. They’re everywhere, except where they’re supposed to be
Most people don't know that "throw pillows" got their name when parents everywhere just gave up.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) August 2, 2018
3. Ok, first of all – who asked you, man
I’m in the process of transforming our home into a relaxing and timeless retreat and my husband keeps trying to ruin it with his “input” because he “lives here too”.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) February 25, 2018
4. Seriously. IT’S NOT A TESTICLE CHAMOIS YOU GUYS
I'm not even sure why I put effort into having a nicely decorated house, when I live with people who see no issue with using my decorative towels to wash their balls.
— Macaroniandmomjeans (@Macandmomjeans) July 21, 2019
5. Can’t wait till it catches on at HGTV
My home decor style is category 5 hurricane.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 11, 2018
6. It’s deceptively easy to keep up this look
Our decor? Well, we're going for kind of a shabby ransacked look.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) November 26, 2017
7. If I had a dollar for every empty cardboard tube I longed to throw at these animals…
Home Decor Life Hack: Gather all the empty paper towel and toilet paper tubes that have been left around your house and toss them in the middle of the Thanksgiving table as a passive aggressive centerpiece
— Healthy Living for Hot Messes (@HLFHM) November 10, 2018
8. It’s postmodern, ok, trust me on this
My interior design theme is Early American Teenager's Dirty Socks on the Couch and that's how I know I've completely given up as both a mother and a human.
— Mama Needs a Nap by Lauri Walker (@MamaNeedsa_Nap) August 24, 2019
9. Now to charge my family admission to come in…
*rebrands massive pile of unfolded laundry as an art installation*
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 15, 2017
10. It’s “modern eclecticism”
A propeller hat, markers, a doll with no head, a rubber squid and 43 NERF darts.
– the top of your coffee table when you have kids
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 31, 2019
11. This will catch on for sure with the busy set
I haven't neglected to dust my house. I'm on the forefront of a trendy new style of home decor: Deserted Chic.
— Megan Rikas (@MegsHAUSTED) January 25, 2017
12. Ahhhh. HOME.
Me: Guys, let’s make this new house into our home.
Husband: *dumps laundry on couch*
Kid 1: *scatters legos*
Kid 2: *writes on wall*
Dog: *pukes on new carpet*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 29, 2019
So if your house looks like a bomb exploded in a garbage factory, then just take comfort in that fact that you’re not alone. And, Hell, you could always just redecorate when they move out, unless you have grandkids; then maybe you should just take that dream, put it in a little boat and set it on fire as you toss it out to sea. Farewell!