Humor Parenting SPM/MM Tweets

11 Hilarious Tweets About the Seasonal Custom of Apple Picking

Along with a family comes the constant pressure to make memories. There are many memories you can create, but not all memories are created equal. There’s the first time gazing at your new baby, and the first time your new puppy vomited on your carpet. There’s the moment you first locked eyes with your spouse, and the time you watched him unclog the toilet for the third time in a week. Memories are life’s souvenirs, and we go to great lengths to create them, inventing all sorts of rituals and customs to help achieve this goal.

Take apple picking, for example. When people say that North Americans have no culture, I would gently point out that we do, and sometimes it involves dragging ass to an orchard, wearing flannel and going home with an ungodly amount of hand fruit.

No sane person would do this when you could easily leave the kids at home and frolic to the shops by your lonesome, picking just the right amount of apples to last you through the week. Yet we do, and all in the name of memories!

Let’s bundle up the kids and gently twist these orbs off the tree, doing it ourselves as our ancestors intended. Let’s say “fuck it” to a reasonable amount of apples, and instead bring home enough apples to build an apple castle and stock it with little apple people.

Except we don’t do this. Instead, we stare at those apples and wrack our brains as to whether we can stuff an apple or three in every recipe we’ll make for the next 3 months. We make apple pie and apple crumble. We send apples to school and we give apples to friends. We let them rot on the counter, and we fashion them into weapons as we await the fall of civilization. Memories.

However, despite how strange the ritual is, it is our ritual, and we perform it like good little families. We make sure to get our hair in beachy waves and our kids in spotless boots, and we take the photo and post it to Instagram, thus completing the Harvest circle.

Here’s What The Funny People Of Twitter Had To Say About The Very Basic Autumn Custom Of Apple Picking!

1. It’s not for everyone

2. You better have a LOT of recipes

3. Seriously – A LOT

4. You know this one, moms?

5. I hope the next level is just staying home

6. There’s also more counter space

7. First you pick them, then you shun them


9. And if he doesn’t get a good shot then he’s dead to me

10. How about them apples?

11. Sounds like Fall Fever if you ask me

So the next time you’re feeling kind of dull and seasonally deprived, simply pick up your family, bundle them up in blanket scarves and puffy parka vests, get your phone charged up, and pick enough apples to choke a whole pack of horses. And don’t forget to use #blessed and #memories when you post on social media!