Nope. This isn’t about how to kick your kid’s ass at hide and seek (though I’d totally read that post).
It’s about the real deal, “I have to get the eff-out-of-here-before-I-lose- even-more-of-my-shit” hiding places for mothers.
Mother-tested, mother-approved, here’s a list of ten places you can escape to when you’re in a hurry and can’t actually leave the house. It’s probably best if there is a spouse nearby who can handle the chaos while you’re on break, but hey, we all get a little desperate at times. So set the timer for ten minutes and go for it!
1. Laundry room. This is my personal go-to. When the screaming, whining, and crying gets overwhelming, simply walk into the laundry room, close the door, turn off the lights, and – this is important – turn the dryer ON to drown out the tantrum. You may need to sit on the floor with your back against the door to ward off unwanted toddlers.
2. Under the covers. No, seriously. Those scary monsters of your youth have transformed into grubby little minions pawing for incessant attention. Take ten minutes and pull the blankie over your head to make it all go away.
3. That spare bedroom that no one has ever actually slept in. Yes, that room. The one that looks like an ad for Pottery Barn, set up so meticulously for all those house guests you just had to be prepared for? Yeah, time to put some miles on that bed. No one else is!
4. Shower. No need to get wet. Just hunker down in the corner and try not to notice all the soap scum you’ve been avoiding scrubbing.
5. Your closet. Really, any closet will do. What matters is if the closet has what you’re looking for to calm down the sensory overload. Me? I’m looking for an overflowing laundry basket I can snuggle up in.
6. The closet that should never be opened. More of an addendum to the previous hiding space, this one’s risky. One misstep, and the entire contents of the closet could come crashing down on you; however, if you become temporarily trapped, that just means more quiet time for you, so it’s all relative really.
7. Locked bathroom. An oldie, but a goodie. I think all of you mothers understand the necessity of a lock. ‘Nuff said.
8. Your own mind. This takes the skill of a trained yogi. Doesn’t work for me, but if you can master the Jedi mind trick of zoning out in the midst of kid chaos, I applaud you! I’ve witnessed my husband do it on many occasions and let me tell you, it is a thing of beauty (and extreme annoyance)!
9. Under the bed. For those a little more adventurous, hiding under the bed in your best shavasana pose can truly lead to a zen-like state. Plus, when you do finally decide to emerge, you can have a little fun scaring the shit out of your kids.
10. Pantry. I came across this one by accident. My young boys actually locked me in our pantry when I was grabbing materials for dinner. Then, the genius of being trapped in a room alone with food seemed like a no-brainer. Thanks, kids!
So there you have it. A mother should always have a temporary escape hideout. I hope a few of these may help you find your moment of sanity.
And do share your own secret spaces of sweet serenity!