…you find yourself dressed to the nines, but not because you’re headed out for a night on the town with your significant other. Rather, it’s because you’re supervising a school dance or other formal activity without pay.

…you’ve been permanently glued to the same spot on the couch since Saturday morning, working on stuff for school.

…you’ve spent every free moment reading a book. Not for pleasure, of course, but to see how/if it will fit into the curriculum.

…you have to get a babysitter for your kids so you can grade papers and write lesson plans.

…you’ve spent the same amount or more time communicating with parents via phone/email as you have family and friends.

…you’ve become visibly and physiologically agitated by news reports and online publications of the latest political attempts to corporatize education.

…you woke up at 6 a.m. and were thankful you got to sleep in.

…you’ve spent the entire thing collecting research and writing papers for your continuing education/advanced degree courses.

…there are more notifications of emails from students than there are of text messages/social media interactions from friends on your smart phone.

…your first reaction to a movie you finally got to see wasn’t a thought about how cool or entertaining it was but rather how it might help students connect to the content in your upcoming unit.

…you rejoice at getting to pee whenever you damn well please.

…you’ve had to cancel or take a rain check on plans with friends or family because you have too much school work to tackle before Monday.

…you spend all of Sunday doing laundry.

…you stock up on lunch items for the week that can be quickly heated and consumed in 10 or fewer minutes.

…you’ve needed a glass of wine or other alcoholic beverage to get through grading those last couple assessments without losing your mind. (NEEDED being the operative word.)

…you’ve stressed about and spent hours compiling materials for your upcoming 20 minute administrative evaluation this week, knowing full well the results of this tiny, impossibly incomplete snapshot into your otherwise gargantuan professional responsibilities will determine whether you’re deemed “highly qualified” or not.

…you can’t sleep because you keep worrying about that kid in your class whom you suspect is having a hard time at home.

…your idea of a rocking Friday night is one in which you don’t have to set an alarm for the next morning that’s early enough to allow you to beat colleagues to the copy machine before school.

…you fantasize about throwing a party for the 5 out of 30 students who actually managed to pay attention and follow your very simple and explicitly explained (complete with finished example product) assignment instructions.

…you’ve made one or more trips to the dollar store for classroom supplies.

…you’re thankful your 3-5 o’clock hours do not include another IEP or 504 meeting (for these two days at least).

…your body has decided now’s the perfect time to display symptoms of the 23 diseases you’ve contracted from students the past two weeks.

…you’re contemplating putting in for a personal day at the end of this coming week so you can actually get some work done for your work.

…you’ve decided to check out the local museum or art exhibit, but not for recreational purposes. Instead, it’s to see if it might be worth planning a field trip to.

…you’ve jokingly proposed standardizing your spouse’s/partner’s and your relationship expectations and quantifying your satisfaction, touting the benefits of running this thing like a business. Data is gospel, after all.

…you’ve naturally shifted the topic of every social conversation you’ve had to something pedagogical (to your family’s and friends’ chagrin, no doubt).

…you’ve scoured Pinterest and taken to social media, not for personal reasons, but rather to get classroom and lesson ideas.

…you’ve spent more time on/with other people’s kids than your own.

What did I miss?