As much as we want our children to be by our sides until the end, it's our duty as parents to let them fly.
Life Parenting

Why I Want My Daughter to Leave Me

As much as we want our children to be by our sides until the end, it's our duty as parents to let them fly.

By Nadine of Focus on Yourself

My little girl just turned two years old a few weeks ago. I’ll admit it. I cried. She is that much closer to growing up.

She is my whole world. She’s amazing, but naturally I’m a little biased. She speaks in full sentences and can have a whole conversation with me. She is the funniest, sweetest person I know. She’s beautiful with her one dimple and wild, untamable hair. And that smile. That smile melts my heart. I look at this perfect little person and think…

“I hope you leave me someday.”

Yes, you read that right.

I want my child to leave me.

I read this article the other day and made the mistake of reading some of the Facebook comments. There were a few mothers who were very upset by number four. They would begrudgingly allow their child adventures, but they expected loyalty and that they would always return home. This was my own mother’s stance, and let me tell you – it only breeds anger and resentment in your children.

Don’t get me wrong. The thought of my baby growing up and no longer being here to light up my mornings with her smile sometimes leaves me crumpled on the floor in the fetal position, clutching a stuffed Elmo and crying into one of her sippy cups.

But I know that there’s no stopping her from growing. Since that is inevitable, I want her to grow up into the happiest, most fulfilled woman that she can be.

If what makes her happy means moving 2000 miles away with only Skype and visits once a year, then that’s what I want.

The distance won’t negate our relationship. It won’t erase the first eighteen years of her life. We’ll still have those years. I hope our relationship is stronger because of the time and effort we have both invested.

My child doesn’t owe me anything. She doesn’t owe me her presence at every birthday or holiday. She doesn’t owe me elder care. She certainly doesn’t owe me her future children.

All I want from her is that she live a life that she can be proud of. I’m taking the time now to soak up these years and do my best to raise her to be strong and independent.

My hope is that she wants to spend time with me when she is an adult. It is also my hope that I not make myself an emotional burden. It is not her job to care for me. It is my job to care for her until she is able to care for herself. And then it is my job to do everything in my power to ensure that I am cared for in my later years so that she can live her life to her fullest potential.

My daughter will never be able to focus on her own desires and happiness if I require her to repay every lost minute of sleep, every boo boo kiss, every butt wipe. If I force her to remain obligated to me, then I am not doing my job as a mother.

As parents, we are responsible for equipping our kids for life and then sending them out into the world to make their own way. Burdening them with guilt as if they owe us their time, money or children will only hold them back. They won’t be free to flourish and become the best versions of themselves.

Our children don’t owe us for being born. They are not living, breathing retirement plans. We decided to become parents. We owe them love and security. We owe them our best effort.

We owe them their freedom.

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About Nadine

Nadine works at home as a freelance writer and babysitter and is a mom to one energetic, chatty toddler. In her spare time, she watches Friends reruns while contemplating the meaning of life and devouring the junk food she hid from her husband and kid. She accomplishes all of this while putting off housework.

You can follow Nadine on her brand new blog, Focus On Yourself where she blogs about living a selfish life considerate of your own needs. You can also check her out on Facebook, Twitter,and Pinterest.