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What Romance Looks Like, Before and After Kids

What Romance Looks Like, Before and After Kids

By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama

Everything changes when children enter the picture. The way we look, the things we prioritize, the frequency of our showers.

Raising kids is draining, emotionally and physically, and any semblance of romance is usually the first casualty. Anyone who says otherwise is either delusional or a lying McLiarFace.

Here’s a quick and honest glance at what romance looks like, before and after kids:

Before kids: He brings you flowers.

After: You’re lucky if he uses the flower-scented spray after he destroys your bathroom.

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Before kids: He buys you chocolate.

After: He buys you chocolate AND stashes it behind the frozen vegetables in the freezer so you might actually get to eat some.

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Before kids: He listens to his favorite music with you.

After: He vetoes the song your kids have been playing on repeat for five days straight.

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Before kids: You go out to candlelit dinners.

After: You get to eat food while it’s still hot.

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Before kids: You have deep conversations.

After: You’re lucky to get a few words in while your kids constantly interrupt you.

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Before kids: You make him his favorite meal.

After: You make anything other than chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.

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Before kids: You love to hear him say, “I love you.”

After: You’d gladly trade that in for an, “I’ll put the kids to bed.”

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Before kids: You binge drink while out on the town together.

After: You binge watch Netflix in bed, without pants.

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Before kids: The way he flirts with you makes you swoon.

After: Suddenly it’s the way he vacuums and does the dishes that really does it for you.

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Before kids: You wear sexy lingerie.

After: You still wear sexy lingerie. Sometimes. Like on laundry day when there are literally zero other underwear options.

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Before kids: You could have sex wherever you want.

After: You can still do it wherever you want. As long as the kids are asleep in their rooms and you’re behind a locked door of some kind.

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Before kids: All of the foreplay.

After: Some sleep first would be nice.

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Before kids: You strip off your clothes in the throes of passion.

After: You tell him to pick them up and ask why he’s always leaving his clothes on the floor like that.

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Before kids: There’s never a bad time for sex.

After: There still isn’t. Unless the sun is out, or one of you is tired or has a headache, or someone hasn’t showered in days, or it’s a weekday, or…

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Before kids: You’re mostly confident about your body.

After: HAHAHAHA! As long as the room is dark, we’re good. Really, really dark.

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Before kids: You lie awake after sex and talk about your hopes and dreams.

After: …*loud snoring*…

While the romance isn’t completely dead after kids, it definitely could use the occasional defibrillator to resuscitate it. So don’t underestimate the power of a babysitter and a night away from your kids; it could be one of the most romantic things you could do for your spouse. Well, that and taking a much-needed shower.

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About the Author

Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at MockMom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.