In a perfect world, we would make sure that our kids are outdoors as much as possible. But if you haven’t experienced the joy that is keeping two children from running into the street — let me tell you, it gets really old, really fast.

Then there are the days that I haven’t showered and I just don’t feel like imposing my “eau de mommy” on the world. Not to mention my complete lack of motivation/energy that it takes to wrestle the kids out of their pajamas and into real clothes. Needless to say, we spend a lot of time at home.

If I need to do dishes or laundry or clean or get ANYTHING done, I need help distracting the kids. That’s where our trusty TV comes in handy.

Seriously, if I could travel through time, I would go back and open-mouth kiss the person who invented kids’ educational programming. It means I can get shit done and feel less guilty because they are actually learning stuff. This is a win/win, folks.

But there are some shows my kids love that I just can’t stand. Here are the top five worst offenders:

5. Daniel Tiger

As much as I hate to admit it, some of the songs from this show have been put to good use in our house. “You can take a turn and then I’ll get it back” and “If you have to go potty, stop and go right away” are two examples of great lessons our toddler has learned from Ol’ Pantsless. (Seriously, Daniel Tiger takes the time to put on a sweater, shoes and a watch but not any pants?)

The problem is that the songs are so catchy that they’re constantly stuck in my head. If I say “clean up” suddenly “Clean up, put away. Clean up everyday!” is on repeat in my brain for the rest of the foreseeable future. Even if I get up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, I hear “…flush and wash and be on your way!” They’re inescapable, and that’s what makes them the bane of my existence.

4. Curious George

I’m going to blow your mind right now. Curious George is not a monkey. Based on the length of his limbs, his stance, and his lack-of-tail, Curious George is actually an ape (a chimp, to be exact.) That doesn’t seem to stop everyone on the show from referring to him as a monkey. This wouldn’t bother me so much except that The Man in the Yellow Hat is a freaking SCIENTIST.

Also, this show makes my kids want to do things they can’t, like tap trees for syrup or create a giant spider web out of duct tape. I’m the one who deals with the backlash when I tell my threenager that she can’t have a paper route even though a stupid monkey can. I mean CHIMP! Damn it!

3. Blaze and the Monster Machines

I’m not sure how this show got away with being made. It’s supposed to be about math and engineering, but I think it’s safe to assume the writing staff was completely baked when they came up with it. The catchphrase of the show is “Let’s Blaze!” which is great because that’s just what I love hearing my toddler yell out in the middle of Target.

Thanks, Nickelodeon!

2. Yo Gabba Gabba

This show will probably haunt my dreams for years to come.

Does it seem ironic to anyone else that Gabba Land is controlled by overlord DJ Lance, yet they have the most unbearable music of all the other kids shows combined? They make 2-3 minute songs out of a couple sentences worth of lyrics such as, “Clean it up. Clean it up. Pick up the trash (/food) now.” And they just repeat the same things over and over until you feel your life force begin to escape.

Also, although I can’t say for sure that he has contracted some strange puppet STD, Muno should probably get himself checked out.

1. Calliou

Nothing makes you say, “What fresh hell is this?” quite like Calliou.

No one ever explains why 4-year-old Calliou is bald. Or why he is the whiniest kid on the planet.

What lessons are my kids supposed to learn here? How to boss others around? How to throw a tantrum when something doesn’t go their way? How to pout constantly and be completely self-centered? I don’t understand why it exists. I can only assume I’m being punished for something I did in a former life.

This post originally appeared on Ramblin’ Mama.