Motherhood puts you through the ringer. Some days, no matter how hard you try, you feel like a failure. Today is one of those days for me.
Life Parenting

Today I Feel Like a Failure

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Motherhood puts you through the ringer. Some days, no matter how hard you try, you feel like a failure. Today is one of those days for me.

By Kelly Arnell of Why Did We Have All These Kids Anyway?

Today I feel like a failure.

Motherhood is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t type of gig.

The more I do for my kids, the less they appreciate me.

The more I ask them to do, the more fighting about getting stuff done we do.

My to-do list grows and grows and sometimes reaches a tipping point where I just get so overwhelmed, I feel like I can’t do anything.

And then I get a text that our phone bill is past due because despite the fact that the money is there, I need to actually click the right buttons to make the bill paid and I don’t even have time to get dressed or clean up the dishes from dinner last night and my 3-year-old wants to get out the Play Doh and all I can think is, not another mess.

Cue the guilt, cue the recurring sound bit in my head that says, “Play Doh is good for fine motor skills and what have you done to encourage her fine motor skills lately?”

Today I feel like a failure.

My baby wants to be held all day long and when I put her down for a nap in her crib she just screams and her cries make my blood pressure rise and give me so much stress I can’t concentrate on paying the bills or loading the dishwasher.

I have 4 kids.

That’s supposed to make me some kind of parent expert. By my sheer quantity of children, I’m supposed to know what the hell I’m doing now.

Today I feel like a failure.

My 8-year-old says I hate him. Says all I do is yell at him. I’m tired of fighting with him. He’s argumentative. I’m argumentative. Together we are a fireworks shit show of arguments.

I’m the grown up. I’m supposed to be calm and controlled always. Where am I supposed to put my temper? What can I do to make them listen?

What reaction am I supposed to have when my kid hits my other kid? Or calls him stupid?

If I were a better mom, maybe I’d have the answers. Real answers, not bullshit advice that doesn’t apply to real life that all the parenting books are full of.

I don’t know what the answers are. I’m winging it.

Today I feel like a failure.

Motherhood is a lonely gig. I’m literally always surrounded by people all day and night. My kids use me as a pillow, a chair, a Kleenex. Despite never being alone, I feel like I’m on an island.

I’m tired. I’m lonely. I put so much work into this family. This is by far the toughest job I have ever attempted. I’m tired of always feeling like I’m not doing well enough.

Today I feel like a failure.

This post was originally published on Why Did We Have All These Kids Anyway? via Facebook. 

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About the Author

Kelly Arnell is a Stay at Home Mom from Wisconsin. She and her husband find themselves asking, “Why did we have to have all these kids anyway?” often, but like George Bailey who said it first in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” they are actually beyond grateful for their four crazy kids. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Club Mid on Scary Mommy and MockMom. She will write a book one day and it will be awesome, just you wait and see. Read more at Why Did We Have All These Kids Anyway? and follow Kelly on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.