Who among us hasn’t been out in public, eaten something that didn’t sit right with our digestive tract, and battled the impending poop sweats in a desperate attempt to make it to an acceptable restroom before we poopocalypsed in our pantaloons?

Well, this is what I imagine happened to Demit Strato the first time he realized Starbucks ignored his request for soy milk and used regular in his iced coffee instead.

[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]

And it wasn’t the last of such horror Strato would face thanks to the popular coffee chain.

On June 26, Strato left this complaint on the Starbucks Facebook page, and let’s just say he had the internet rolling because his message quickly went viral:

[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]

“Do you think I enjoy soy milk?” he asks. “Does anyone enjoy soy milk? I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn’t blast fire for 4 hours.”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Now, I don’t have a lactose intolerance, so I can’t say for certain the unique kind of hell Strato endured, but I did once almost make my lactose intolerant roommate in college crap his pants when I accidentally startled him as he was rushing into the house to use the bathroom after — you guessed it — Starbucks forgot the soy in his latte and went with regular milk instead, so I kind of get it, if only from an observer’s perspective.

[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]

And I’ve also had my fair share of near pants-shitting myself. Like that time I almost pooped my pants on an airplane during my honeymoon or pretty much any time I eat eggs.

So in that regard, Demit Strato, I totally get you. And also, I feel sorry for both your colon and that toilet of yours.

Every underdog needs a hero, and today, Demit Strato is that person for the lactose intolerant and anyone whose intestines have almost exited their bodies through the bum.

[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]

Never stop fighting for that in which you believe, Demit. Or for that which may protect your turd cutter from doom.

Update: Since posting his initial complaint, Strato says Starbucks has reached out to rectalfy rectify the situation. This is why we love you, Starbucks.