By Liv of Live By Surprise
The 11th Commandment of Blogging is “Thou shall not read the comments.” For the most part, the people who visit your own blog and keep coming back for more…well, they’re your peeps. I’m clearly not talking about them. But when you post on a big sites like ScaryMommy, HuffPost or YourTango, you can bet your petoot that the trolls are going to be furiously typing beneath their bridges. And what they say isn’t always going to be favorable.
I admit it: I usually do check up on the comments to see how well (or badly) one of my posts was received, but usually, I don’t respond. Occasionally I do — especially if there’s one that’s aimed a little below the belt — but for the most part, I’ve been able to laugh them off. That said, I’ve found that there are generally about eight different kinds of commenters. Here’s who they are and how I would respond, if I did:
I can’t believe you posted that. I’m so offended. You should be arrested and your parenting license should be revoked.
Well, Sanctimommy, you can either pull the pickle out of your ass and realize this is humor or head over to Martha Stewart to be with your Stepford friends.
Dr. Spock (The Logical Mommy)
What you have written is something I’ve never experienced…so I don’t believe it happened to you.
Am I exaggerating? Maybe a bit, Spock, but that’s what story telling is all about. However, if you think that only the things that happen to you can happen to other people…well, you might want to crawl out of your cave.
I love all of your posts – that’s just so funny!
Why, thank you! You’re absolutely right. I’m hilarious!
The Lost Boy
This post is about a single mom, but I’m a single dad, and this single mom site never posts about single dads…I am disenfranchised and under-represented, and instead of writing my own post, I’m just going to complain to you about it.
Have you seen this post about single dads at The Bloggess’ site? Check it out; I think it would really interest you.
The Witch Doctor
Doctor Hoodoo saved my marriage with his special chicken egg cure – and he can save yours, too! Just send an email to him at Doctor.Hoodoo@thisistotallylegit.com.
Should I put my credit card and social security numbers right in the email?
I used to love this site for its witty, literate, thought-provoking posts. Now it’s filled with coffee-fueled moms in yoga pants who have daddy issues.
Um, OK. So why are you still reading? And let me be completely clear: I drink tea, not coffee.
I am a (self-proclaimed) expert because my wife’s cousin works in a job that borders on the topic you’ve discussed. You’re completely off-base for reasons I can’t actually articulate but…
Well good for you then. I’ll tell you right where you can stuff your “expert” testimony or advice.
Have I missed anyone?
This post originally appeared on Live By Surprise.
ABOUT LIV BY SURPRISE
Liv is the pseudonym for a rocking forty year old working mother of three who remarried after a terrible divorce, had a terrible car accident and almost lost her leg, and yet continues to have a positive attitude. Her work has been featured on ScaryMommy, HuffPost and The Mid, she’s a contributing writer at DivorcedMoms, and she writes regularly on her blog, Live By Surprise.