What’s black and white and “read” all over?

A newspaper. But also my mascara-stained face and bloodshot eyes the morning after a long night of guzzling wine whilst binge-watching every episode of Law and Order: SVU since its conception.

You’d think rolling into work or a mandatory social gathering looking like something that’s been fished out of a clogged drain would be enough to keep people at arm’s length, but no. There’s always that one person who can’t wait to chat your ear off, even as you shoot daggers into their blabbery talk hole with your dead eyes.

Which is why the “Leave Me Alone Sweater” by Ruth Grace is the best thing since your distant cousin sneaked you her roommate’s Hulu password so you could stream all four seasons of Vikings in a single sitting, alone, at no cost to you.

This do-it-yourself pullover, instructions for which are available on Instructables, is a must-try for every introvert and people hater out there who doesn’t mind social interaction once in a while but needs a clear way to signal to others when it’s time to move along.

Perfect for things like public transit, status meetings, baby showers, and dinners with your in-laws, this sweater says, “Back the fuck up off me, bruh” without you actually having to say it.

Even better? You don’t have to put on pants or interact with a single human being to make this sucker. Well, except for when you go out to get the supplies. I suppose you’ll have to interact with somebody at some point.

SACRIFICES, people. It’ll be worth it in the end.