By Amber Leventry
In an unprecedented lawsuit, a group of very determined Christians are demanding the LGBTQ community stop using the rainbow to promote the gay agenda. In a case called U.S., et al. v. Them Gays, the state of South Dakota has filed a federal lawsuit for trademark infringement over use of the rainbow.
“God created the rainbow, and we are tired of the filth associated with it,” said spokesperson Gary Barry. “We are disgusted to see it used as a symbol of unity for love between homosexuals. This lawsuit will send a message of God’s love and hope and will also detail the horrific acts of violation our Christian brothers and sisters have felt because of their use of our rainbow. This case will take back what is rightfully ours and will finally start righting the wrongs of America.”
A crowd of 12 supporters, one for each of Jesus’ disciples, stood outside the courthouse as Mack Simmons, the lawyer representing U.S., et al., filed the paperwork. Barry held a bullhorn and continued to repeat the Bible verses Genesis 9:12 and 9:13: “God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all successive generations; set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth.’”
The other men held signs that read “ROY G BIV, LOVE NOT SIN” and “Take Back the Rainbow,” which a bystander recognized was more creative than the usual “God Hates Fags” slogan.
The bystander did not want to be named for fear of being sent pamphlets explaining why she would be going to hell, but she did ask what seemed to be a valid question: Didn’t science make the rainbow?
“I thought light reflected through water droplets creates a rainbow,” she said, walking away without being given the proper sermon and key argument for U.S., et al. v. Them Gays. Lawyer Mack Simmons intends to prove God created everything, including the light and water from which rainbows can appear, thus giving ownership of the rainbow back to God-loving Christians.
Simmons came out of the courthouse to cheers and applause and made the following statement: “When God gave us the rainbow, He gave us a promise. He promised to love and protect all of us. We will keep our promise to Him and do everything we can to protect His sacrifices, to protect His love and way of life. We will not let the homosexuals tarnish His love by wrapping themselves in our rainbow.”
A man walking by the courthouse laughed and then continued on his way before realizing the scene was not a joke. He turned around and shouted, “God made the homosexuals, too, ya know! I thought you said God doesn’t make mistakes.”
The disciple with the bullhorn was quick to reply, “He doesn’t. Homosexuality is the work of Satan. So are unicorns!”
“Amen!” the crowd shouted before dispersing to a local diner to drink coffee and make young women feel uncomfortable by calling them terms of endearment and asking to see their pretty smiles.
Legal fees for this ongoing battle are being funded by the Westboro Baptist Church, Breitbart News Network, Chick-Fil-A, and a tiny bakery in Arkansas that would rather close its doors than “make cakes for queers.”
About the Author
Amber Leventry is a writer and SAHM. She tries to be good at both each day, but never the twain shall meet. She lives in Vermont with her partner, the kids, and their attention deprived dog. Her writing appears on The Next Family, Parent.co, Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Huffington Post, and The Advocate. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.