MockMom

Psychologists Concerned Statement Onesies Cause Identity Crises

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons
Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

By Anne Gunn of annemgunn.wordpress.com

Seattle, WA – A new parent, Lea Swanson, bought and received a lot of onesies for her 2-month-old daughter, Isabel. Several of these onesies sported identifying phrases like “Daddy’s little princess” and “I love grandma.”

“At the time I thought they were cute and didn’t even think of the lasting impact they could have on poor Isabel,” Swanson said. “I think I might cry now just thinking about it.”

Swanson’s distress came on the heels of a study conducted by a group of child psychologists exploring the negative effects of statement onesies on the infants who wear them. Psychologists such as Dr. Larry Winston are concerned statement onesies that sport phrases like “Mommy’s little rock star” or “I love my auntie” will cause undue pressure and identity crises in babies.

Dr. Winston, who is heading a study on the effects of these outfits, said, “I think that kind of pressure and categorization has to have some kind of effect on a baby’s outlook on life. Who is to say your three-month-old wants to be a rock star? Is it right to put words in their mouths and make statements about their preferences?”

Swanson said her experience with Isabel supports Dr. Winston’s claims.

“Isabel cries a lot and requires constant attention. She struggles to verbalize her needs. It’s obvious that she is traumatized by the pressure we have put on her from a young age,” Swanson explained. “It’s a lot of pressure for a two-month-old baby to handle.”

According to Dr. Winston, his study’s results are already showing evidence linking statement onesies to negative emotions in infants.

“We put several infants in plain white onesies and watched their behavior. While a control group of infants remained clothed in the plain onesies, we woke up several other infants and dressed them in statement onesies. We noticed much more crying in the group of infants who were awoken from their naps to be dressed in statement onesies. It’s still early, but I would say the results are quite supportive of my hypothesis,” Dr. Winston said.

It may be too late for Isabel, but Dr. Winston believes there is a lot of hope for other babies who have yet to be born.

He suggested, “Politely tell your friends and family that you can only accept plain onesies or ones with phrases like, ‘I’m still determining my strengths and interests,’ or ‘I haven’t formed an opinion about my extended family members yet.’ Obviously it’s hard to find clothing like that in retail stores, but you can find some places that make custom onesies online if you Google it.”

Swanson is committed to helping fund this study and getting the word out about the dangers of statement onesies. In lieu of thank you notes for her baby shower gifts, she wrote notes which gently yet firmly chastised her friends and loved ones for their misguided gifts.

“I’ve lost some friends and my mom isn’t talking to me, but it is worth it to educate them and prevent them from making these mistakes again,” Swanson said. “I only wish I knew about Dr. Winston’s findings earlier.”

When reached for comment, Swanson’s mother said, ”My daughter is an idiot.”

At press time, Dr. Winston had to discontinue his study due to lack of funding and support from the scientific community.

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About the Author

Anne Gunn lives in Myrtle Beach, SC with her husband, baby boy and yappy dog. In the free time she doesn’t have she likes to sleep, run, write and catch up on her Netflix shows. You can read more of her writing at annemgunn.wordpress.com.