MockMom

Petition Requesting Disney Rename Donald Duck ‘America Duck’

By Sarah Broussard Weaver of sbweaver.com

Dear Bob Iger,

You alone have the power to help me. My family and I visited Disney World last week and did not find it nearly as enjoyable as I did four years ago. This is not your fault (Well, maybe it is. WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR AND DONATE TO?) but since November 8, 2016, I am not a fan of your duck character’s first name. I am requesting that you change it, effective immediately.

I know this will be a difficult task. You will have to redub many cartoons and destroy many pieces of unsold merchandise. But I believe it will be worth it. The Walt Disney Company will go down in history as heroes, who helped America punch Nazis right in their white (and in some cases, orange) faces. That leads me to my suggested nom de guerre for your character that is currently named Donald Duck:

America Duck

Think of it. America Duck will exclusively wear the colors of patriotism. He will no longer jump and hover in the air, backside waving without dignity, as he screams gibberish in anger. This is altogether too much like the person who has ruined America Duck’s current first name. No, America Duck will be given a new, deep, strong voice, which he will use to calmly speak words of superior wisdom, such as:

“Buy something from Nordstrom today.”

Or

“Refugees are people, too.”

Or

“It is always a good idea to limit the use of exclamation marks.”

Or

“Lies are an even worse idea than normal when they are easily proven false.”

I also find the color of your duck character’s bill and feet very unappealing. When I passed the line for Donald Duck autographs at Magic Kingdom and saw that sickening orange color, my appetite for the Dole Whip I’d just bought disappeared. This doesn’t bode well for your many snack carts at Disney World, Mr. Iger. You really need people to feel snackish all the time.

I recommend that America Duck sport a blue bill with white stars and red and white striped feet. Even the Republicans can’t object to patriotism, right? They’ll probably buy even more of your company’s made in China merchandise!

Do the right thing, Mr. Iger: Give us America Duck. Stand on the right side of history. Do it for the children.

As a sign of my good faith, I have already crossed “Donald” out of my nine-year-old daughter’s Disney autograph book and proudly written in, “AMERICA.”

God bless you, Mr. Iger, God bless America, and may God bless America Duck.

I await your affirmative response,

Sarah Broussard Weaver

*****

About the Author

Sarah Broussard Weaver lives in Portland, Oregon, with her spouse, four remarkably loud children, three untrained dogs, one hedgehog, a handful of fish, and one angelic kitten who rules over them all. Her parenting essays have been published at Parents, Mom.me, Mommy Nearest, and Parent.co. She blogs on rare occasion at sbweaver.com and tweets @sarahbweaver.