By Rhiannon Giles of rhiyaya.com
Durham, NC — Local mommy blogger, Ruby Grace, recently commemorated her website’s 100th follower by throwing a dinner party for her loyal fans.
“God, she just won’t shut up about it,” said Grace’s sister, Gwen Williams. “Ninety of her followers are friends and family, but she thinks she’s Jenny fucking Lawson.”
“It’s true,” said Grace’s best friend, Carolyn Shinerman, “She frequently alludes to the time they spent together, when what she really means is that she once had a short layover in Texas. She even bought an ethically taxidermied chinchilla.”
“I named him Chilli Vanilli!” giggled an eavesdropping Grace, clearly drunk.
“I’m not going to say I’m just like Jenny,” she humblebragged as though the two were on a first-name basis. “She has a few more followers than I do. Still, I’m sure I have plenty to offer; if she ever wants tips on being more honest and vulnerable in her writing, I would love to help!”
This comment was followed by a minor commotion as Williams rolled her eyes so far back in her head that they became momentarily stuck that way.
Grace’s mother, Jill Grace, says she is proud of all her daughter has accomplished, adding that while she has never heard of “this Bloggess lady,” she cannot imagine her to be nearly as popular or talented as her “sweet little Rubykins. Why, just last week Ruby wrote a post that got comments from several of our family members!”
The one person at the party who did not know the guest of honor personally was 27-year-old Greg Stallings, who currently lives in his mother’s basement and claims to be Grace’s biggest fan — an assertion nobody cared to dispute. Stallings scoffed at the comparisons to Lawson, saying, “between Ruby and The Bloggess, it’s no contest.”
Shinerman and Williams were willing to concede that point, though perhaps not in the way Stallings intended. “We love Ruby, and sometimes she manages a funny line or two, but mostly she just curses a lot and thinks it makes her edgy,” they agreed.
Grace, giving her 17th celebratory toast of the night, said she would like to thank her sister for always believing in her.
Williams whispered, “Also? She doesn’t understand sarcasm.”
Grace went on to say that she hoped everyone would join her in another year or two for the party honoring her 200th follower.
At the end of the evening, she used Chilli Vanilli as a ventriloquist puppet and slurred, “knock knock, motherfucker,” before passing out on a pile of recently purchased bath towels.
About the Author
Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter. For more Ruby Grace, click here.