By Serena of Mommy Cusses

Hey, ladies! Are you a tired mom who doesn’t have a lot of time in the morning to put on makeup? I feel you. That’s why I’ve come up with this super simple mommy makeup tutorial.

Let’s take off all our makeup from yesterday because you passed out with it on and don’t have time to shower today. I recommend using baby wipes. Mmm, that’s fresh.

Now we need to cover up all of this. Just use your favorite foundation, BB cream, CC cream, Spackle. Smear it all over your face. I like to use my painting palette knife.

Cover your lips with red. I’m using the shade ‘Desperately Wants To Look 18 Again.’ Perfect.

Next, put some color on your cheeks to trick people into thinking you’re actually alive. I’m using the color ‘Please, God, Make Me Pretty.’

Now let’s tackle those dark abysses under your empty eyes. Okay, this age rewind stuff is pretty amazing. If you put age rewind on anything, I’ll buy it. Age rewind cereal? Buying it. Age rewind tampons? Done.

If you want a more dramatic look, you could just take a picture of a model from a magazine, cut out her non-dark circles and apply those to your face using some leftover Mod Podge from that DIY project you failed miserably at (I really hope that anyone reading this gets that this is not meant for real life and that Mod Podge will actually burn your face — trust me, I know).

Yup, perfect.

If you have a little extra time, why not put on some falsies? I prefer using the eyelashes of a virgin.

Eyeliner. If you want your eyeliner to last, you could use a Sharpie. Make sure to sweep upwards at the ends for that cat eye effect because let’s face it, you’re in a hopeless battle with gravity.

Now for some contouring. Main areas you should highlight are the middle of your nose, the tops of your cheeks, and underneath your eyebrows.

Areas you want to shade are your cheekbones, the outer edges of your forehead, the outside of the bridge of your nose, and your double chin. I’m using brown face paint left over from last Halloween.

Now, to set your makeup, just get some maximum-hold hair spray and spray your face like you’re mad at it.

You look stunning!

A version of this post first appeared on Mommy Cusses.

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About the Author

Serena is a potty mouthed blogger at Mommy Cusses, freelance writer, artist, and mother. Her mission is to make people laugh at the shit storm that is motherhood. You can find more from her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.