As my husband and I were driving down the road the other day, we saw a peculiar bumper sticker on the back of a guy’s truck that read, “I ♥ My Wife.” While that’s nice and all, we found it a bizarre message for a bumper sticker and began joking that there must be some subtext there we missed that really spices the message up. Something like, “I ♥ My Wife (except when she speaks her dumb whore mind).”

And then we began thinking about what bumper stickers would be like if they were brutally honest — if they said what we’re all really thinking or doing instead of what we want others to believe we’re thinking and doing.

Here are just a few examples: