MockMom

Greeting Card Company Finally Admits It’s All a Marketing Ploy

Greeting Card Company Finally Admits It's All a Marketing Ploy

By Shya Gibbons of VintageDreamsWithAModernTwist

“It’s a sham,” Leo said. He is a part of the creative team where he works and wanted the company name left out of this piece for fear of retaliation.

He explained the process behind it. “You have your major holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Halloween, just to name a few. Then there is the baby section where you congratulate the mom-to-be. Then you get a card when the baby is born, and then another card for the christening. People get swept up in the rows upon rows of varied cards.”

With a sardonic laugh, he brought up their biggest holiday and moneymaker. “February 14th, the day the masses come running for cards to express their feelings that they cannot vocalize themselves. They buy the cards, the stuffed animal dog with heart buttons for eyes. No matter what we think up, they buy it! They always buy it.”

“What do you think of the prices?” I asked him.

“They are outrageous. You can take a plain old card and add a sweet saying and a little loop of ribbon and it’s $5 just because of that ribbon. I have been so close to flipping a table over. The last ‘meeting of the minds’ was so ridiculous that I had to step outside to get air; that is when you know the job is getting to you.”

“May I ask what angered you so much that you wanted to flip a table over?” I explored the topic further. At this point I forgot I was doing an interview; I was lured in with the sordid details he was telling me.

“Tell me, Valerie, what is the last card you bought?”

I wracked my brain for a few seconds, maybe even minutes. “I bought a sympathy card for my friend when her 18-year-old cat died.”

“Exactly! You can find a card on every topic. Your pet died? Here’s a card. Your aunt got a new wheelchair? You can send her a card for that. Your favorite Christmas ornament broke? There is a card for that, and most of these cards are $3 and up. The thing that pushed me over the edge in the meeting the other day was when a coworker–” Leo stopped, shaking his head before resting his face in his palms.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you,” I said, my voice dripping with empathy.

“You didn’t. You are doing a great job with this interview. I hesitated to even say it out loud because it was that ridiculous. He pitched the idea of a card that sends condolences for when appliances break. ‘So sorry your toaster stopped working, but here is card to make you feel better,’ like that is going to do anything.”

Leo’s phone rang and he quickly answered. “I will be there right away, boss.”

“The big boss wants to see me. He has an idea about cards that are edible. It was so nice to meet you, and I look forward to reading your article.” Leo walked away, shaking his head gently and muttering softly, “Edible cards. Seriously? Edible cards?”

Leo and I have kept in touch since the interview ran. The company figured out that Leo was the informant and fired him. No pension. No health insurance. No good references. But on the bright side they did send him an ‘I am so sorry you screwed up your job and now you are fired’ card. It was printed on edible paper.

I implore that you think about it the next time you need to buy a card. Your niece’s birthday? Buy that card! The man who shares a cubicle across from you had his favorite desk plant wither away and die? There is a card for that, but do not get it. It just encourages the company to keep coming up with more ideas for new cards.

Better yet, save your money and send a text. If you want a tangible, heartfelt memory, then get a piece of paper and pen. It is okay if your handwriting looks like chicken scratch or if you forget how to make a capitol G in cursive.

What matters most is the thought, not whether you can eat the card or not; unless you buy a card from the freshly released line of cards for sheep. The card is to celebrate after they have been sheered, and they are told their wool will be used to make sweaters. The line celebrates and encourages the bleating sweater growers. Don’t worry, the cards they just made are edible and a great snack for them!

*****

About the Author

Shya Gibbons is a full-time CEO (also called a stay-at-home-mom) to a precocious, blue-eyed three-year-old, and runs the blog Vintage Dreams With A Modern Twist. She is happily married to a gorgeous man who doubles as her best friend, and who loves her even on her worst days. She was born, raised and still lives in a picturesque small town where she has stacked up hundreds of bylines at the local newspaper. When she is not writing for fun, she likes to cook big dinners and bake. In her free time she likes to binge watch seasons of shows at a time where she gets far too attached to fictional characters. Her work was recently featured in the book I Just Want To Be Perfect. You can find more of her work on Facebook.