By Michelle Riddell
In an unprecedented, unanimous vote, the shareholders at Necco Co. rejected Donald Trump’s offer to brand a limited edition series of the candy maker’s iconic conversation hearts.
The offer, purported by the Trump Corporation to be “tremendously huge for a loser company like NECCO,” would entail stamping Donald Trump’s signature malapropisms, sexist innuendos, and racial slurs onto the tiny pastel-colored hearts.
A spokesperson for NECCO said, “We’re not sure his brand really matches our family of consumers, seeing as the company’s motto is, ‘The nicer the words, the sweeter the sentiment.’”
Sample phrases from the Trump Hearts included:
- “Bad Hombres!”
- “Wrong!”
- “You’re Fired!”
- “Blame Obama!””
- “Nasty Woman!”
- “Bigly!”
- “You’re the Puppet!”
- “Sad!”
- “Bad!”
- “Fake News!”
- “Build the Wall!”
The spokesperson went on to say, “Even if the messages weren’t a terrifying verbal embodiment of a pathologically disturbed individual, speaking from a business standpoint, the extra ink for all those exclamation points would fray our profit margins drastically.”
After the meeting, Trump gave this brief statement: “I never said any of those things. It’s all a plot by Democrats to make me look like I didn’t win the popular vote by a landslide, which I did! Sad!”
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About the Author
Born and raised in Detroit, Michelle Riddell now lives with her family in rural mid-Michigan where she happily braves her husband’s penchant for DIY projects and her daughter’s passion for wildlife-as-indoor-pets. Her publishing credits include Mamalode, The Manifest-Station, The Good Mother Project, and Club Mid. In addition to being a reviewing editor at Mothers Always Write, Michelle is a substitute teacher at her daughter’s elementary school where she tries very hard not to embarrass her. Find her on Twitter @MLRiddell.