MockMom

Brony Leaves Parents’ House, Realizes Road to Success Not Paved in Glitter

By Amber Leventry

Jeremy Macklin stands outside of an office building, the strings on top of his knit, Rainbow Dash hat bounce with each movement as he types on his smartphone.

Macklin, 29, just left a seminar on resume writing at a local branch of Kelly Services. He hasn’t left his parents’ house in 18 months and has been unemployed since working his junior year of high school at Blockbuster. Macklin is one of millions of Americans hoping the new administration will follow through on its promise to bring back jobs. Jeremy is also a self-proclaimed Brony: a lover of all things having to do with ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’.

“I haven’t been able to find work in years, but the new president’s slogan is MAGA, so I feel really confident something will come along soon. I mean, the guy is finally giving a voice to the Mane and Glitter Association,” says Macklin.

When told MAGA stands for Make America Great Again, Macklin shrugs and says, “Same same,” with a laugh that sounds more like a whinny and broken dreams.

He has lived in his parents’ basement since 2010, when he moved from his childhood bedroom to the half-finished space next to the washing machine and litter box. Macklin is finally ready to show his graphic novel to the world but, despite beta readers he met at Brony Con telling him it’s “glitterific,” nobody wants to see it.

“This book is about love and friendship and believing in yourself. Everypony can relate to that.”

Apparently not. After six years of pitching his graphic novel to agents, Macklin has yet to find a professional writer willing to endorse his 718-page book. His parents John and Melanie, both pharmacists, encouraged him to attend the seminar so he could improve his chances at finding a job while he waits for an agent to sell his book.

He has also applied to positions at Pixar and Dreamworks, but has yet to hear from them. “I guess Pixar and Dreamworks aren’t looking for illustrators right now,” Macklin laments.

When asked if he got anything out of the class, the brony shrugged. “Not really. My style can’t really be confined to a template. My talents are more than just shallow details of accomplishments and responsibilities. I am trying to make the world a happier, more accepting place through art and love.”

To prove his point, Macklin pulled his resume from his satchel. It is a series of rainbows, drawn in the colors that match his places of education, employment, and hobbies. The only thing listed is an email address, which is wingboner (at) gmail (dot) com. Macklin was quick to explain that wingboner is a just a joke.

“Some Bronies are sexually aroused by ponies. I have a lot of friends into pony erotica, but it’s not my saddlebag,” explains Macklin. “Those Bronies are also called Cloppers and have turned a love of My Little Pony into a pornographic fetish and art form. Some Bronies think Cloppers are the reason they are made fun of or looked down upon.”

As Macklin finishes this explanation, his father arrives at the curb to pick him up.

Jeremy tells his father that he was told to apply to be a grocery bagger or dish washer while he waits for his big break. It could give him a chance to think about his work while he earns some money. Jeremy thought it would be a waste of his time and prefers to continue to think about his work from his parents’ basement.

“Don’t worry, Jer, they’re just neighsayers. Something will come along,” replies Macklin’s father.

“I know, but when? I thought it would be different this time.”

Story update: Jeremy Macklin was seen spreading his alicorn wings while walking a dog wearing a unicorn horn. He gets out of the house one hour a week to walk his mother’s friend’s Labradoodle. Macklin places the headband on the dog to remind himself, and others, that the only labels that matter are the ones we give ourselves.

“We can do and be anything if we really set our mind to it,” Jeremy emphasizes. It is unclear how Macklin knew the dog wanted to be a “Labracorn,” but the dog did look cute.

*****

About the Author

Amber Leventry is a writer and SAHM. She tries to be good at both each day, but never the twain shall meet. She lives in Vermont with her partner, the kids, and their attention deprived dog. Her writing appears on The Next Family, Parent.co, Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Huffington Post, and The Advocate. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.