By Kristina Johnson of thatmommylady.com
Baby Liam Harris finally emerged from his mother’s womb moments after midnight on Sunday. The newborn baby boy was due ten days ago but told reporters shortly after his birth that he was aware that 2016 had been “a real shitshow”—one that he wanted no part of.
“You hear a lot of talk on the inside,” said Liam. “And it didn’t sound good. Not the kind of year you want to be writing down on forms for the rest of your life, you know?”
Liam, who weighed in at a respectable 8 pounds, 2 ounces, said he would have been ready to move out of his cramped quarters about a month ago had it not been for the information that reached him.
“I knew something was up when my mom spent a couple days in November crying in bed. She kept saying stuff like, ‘My God, what has America done?’ and ‘I can’t believe I’m bringing a child into this world.’”
Liam guessed correctly that his mother’s panic had something to do with President-elect Donald Trump. The infant often heard his parents repeating things Trump had said and done. From the descriptions of tantrums, outbursts, and a total lack of self-control, Liam said he was under the impression that Trump was some sort of giant baby. He was shocked to find out he was, in fact, a full grown man, and said it only reaffirmed his decision to sit out 2016.
About the Author
Kristina Johnson is a new mom, writer, and TV producer living in New York City. She loves her daughter deeply but can admit that she wouldn’t mind if babies came with an off-switch. Her interests include books, Netflix, and coming up with snarky responses to people who ask when she’s having baby #2. She blogs regularly at thatmommylady.com.