By Liv of Live By Surprise

Every holiday season, I face a hard choice. Attend my office Christmas booze-up party or…well…just about anything else. Here’s a true story: One year a guy I work with wrapped a raw chicken for secret Santa. That’s the kind of people I work with.

And for the past four or so years, I’ve chosen the “anything else” option, even if it means sticking pins into my eyes. And so, dear boss, here are the eight reasons I won’t go to the office Christmas party this year:

1. I talk about work with you all day. I don’t want to do it all night too.

2. If you want to do a “team building” exercise, you should really do it on work time. And pay for it.

3. If I want to eat and pay for crappy (and expensive) food, that’s my business. I don’t want to eat and pay for crappy food because you told me I have to.

4. I already have an inkling who is sleeping with whom. I’ve also met their husbands/wives/children and don’t particularly want to have to look them in the face if I’ve confirmed my suspicions.

5. Secret Santa is crap. If I want a crappy re-gift, I can wait until my family Christmas party.

6. I don’t eat in the lunch room because the yahoos you hired are judgmental about my food choices. I certainly don’t want to hear, “I guess you’re going to the gym tomorrow” while I’m out for a “fun” evening.

7. That creepy accountant you hired is a sexual harassment complaint waiting to happen on a good day. Get some booze into him, play some rapey Christmas songs and it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

8. I drink because of you. I don’t want to drink with you.

So, yeah. Have fun. Just without me.

This post was originally published on Live By Surprise.

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About the Author

Liv is the pseudonym for a rocking forty year old working mother of three who remarried after a terrible divorce, had a terrible car accident and almost lost her leg, and yet continues to have a positive attitude.  Her work has been featured on ScaryMommy, HuffPost and The Mid, and she’s a contributing writer at DivorcedMoms.com. You can also check out her blog: Live By Surprise.