You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not fall asleep, leaving your cell phone unattended around your crafty child, I’m telling you why: Because surprise boxes from Amazon might mysteriously show up on your doorstep.
Just days before Christmas, Ashylnd Howell from Arkansas did what many of us were doing then, a little last-minute shopping for the holidays. Totally NBD, except for the fact that Ashlynd is 6. Yes, you read that right. We have all been out-savaged by a 6-year-old.
In a Home Alone-level ploy to take Christmas by the balls, Ashlynd settled in to watch a movie with her mother, Bethany, who fell asleep after a couple of minutes. Like a total mom. Because when you’re a parent, movies are like tranquilizer darts.
While Bethany was asleep, Ashlynd utilized every kid’s signature move: Super Bedside Ninja Stealth to sneak up on her mom with her mom’s phone, which was left on a table, and then use her mom’s thumb to Mission Impossible her way through her mom’s thumbprint lock screen. Move over, Tom Cruise.
As her mother slept, Ashlynd added $250 worth of Pokemon toys to the ol’ virtual shopping cart and used the saved card info on her mom’s Amazon account to check out. Damn, Amazon, why you gotta be so convenient and user-friendly?
According to The Daily Mail, Bethany has allowed Ashlynd to use her phone to watch videos and use apps, but had no idea that Ashlynd even knew what Amazon was.
Bethany said that she received 13 order confirmations and suspected fraud. Until she noticed that all the packages were being delivered to her own house and wised up. After asking Ashlynd if she’d “been on her phone looking at Pokemon,” Ashlynd said, “Yeah, Mommy, I was shopping.”
If only I could have this little girl’s cool composure while explaining my latest “Drink and Prime” session to my spouse.
When her mother tried to return the items, Amazon said they could only take back four. So, while Ashlynd sorta ruined Christmas for herself and is now on Santa’s watch list, she did luck out with some pretty sweet loot in the end.
While some are hailing little Ashlynd a genius for her shenanigans, others are clutching their pearls in horror that a child would do such a thing and berating the girl’s parents.
It’s easy to forget that our kids are growing up very differently from the way their parents did. Online stores strive to make shopping easier for their customers, not thinking that they could in turn be making it easy for hackers as well. And some children rarely see paper money anymore and may not understand the concept.
The moral of this story is: Just give up on sweet, sweet sleep, parents, or your child could Weekend at Bernie’s their way into an epic shopping spree.